SECRETARY- Kylo Ren.

Chapter 8 - Nervous.

Lust.

   Were you to be ashamed of lusting after your boss? Was it morally, physically, emotionally, and legally wrong?

   Yes, the answer to those two question was yes, you realized. In all possible ways, it was wrong, and most of all, forbidden. But maybe that's why you liked it so much — because you weren't supposed to.

Attraction had always been a curious thing for you. In the height of your addiction, your life revolved around alcohol, and only alcohol. The only times you gave a man, or even woman, your time of day was when you were in fits of drunkenness, looking to fulfill your drunken ache with an emotionless one night stand.

You didn't remember most of those nights. You only remembered waking up the next morning, sometimes to an empty bed, sometimes not. To the people you slept with then, they only dismissed it as a drunken mistake, only happening once and while. But not for you, as it was almost a daily occurrence. A cycle of self destruction.

   Yet, here you were, lusting after your boss, sober as ever. You knew these feelings had to be true, for you didn't have alcohol tainting you thinking process, making you feel things you weren't sure you were actually feeling at all.

   You sat at the kitchen bar, deep in thought as you picked at your food. Mind rampant with Kylo, there was no room to think of food, or anything else really. You were stuck in a mental war zone, unable to escape.

   "Is there something wrong with what I made you? You've barely touched your breakfast." Rose spoke up from across the bar.

   Breaking out of thought, your head snaps up to look at her. Your expression softens, and you shake your head slightly. A small sigh left your lips as you have her and apathetic smile.

   "No, the food looks good, I'm just...distracted." You admit with a small huff, your smile faltering. 

   "Distracted?" She questions, leaning against the counter top with her elbows. She looks at you, searching your expression, waiting for you to elaborate.

   You paused for a moment. "It's just work, things have been complicated lately." You explain, fingers picking at the toast on your plate.

   "Let me guess," she spoke, "Does it have something to do with that boss of yours?"

   You nod, biting the inside of your cheek in thought. "You know," you begin, "I've never met a man like him before. He's so...confusing. He makes me feel confused." You try to explain more.

Rose stifles a sympathetic huff. "In a good way or a bad way?" She asks.

You frown slightly. Truthfully, you weren't sure if it was in a good or bad way. Sometimes, he made you feel like the only woman in the room (although most times you were), and other times, he made you feel so small and insignificant, one big mistake.

"I don't know." You admit truthfully, voice a low mutter now, small frown on your face.

It was clear that regardless of how good or bad he made you feel, things had changed permanently now. Some may say a kiss is only a human action, but others would say it meant more then any spoken words could mean. After all, actions did speak louder then words.

You felt dirty for kissing him, knowing that a small part of you wanted to do it again. You shouldn't have felt that way, and you knew it, but for some reason, it didn't stop you. It only instigated the urge more, quite frankly.

"Rose, I've done something very, very, bad, and I don't know if I can fix it. It's going to change things, I know it." You add after a moment, frown furthering on your lips.