Broken Glass | D.M.

sixteen

I haven't left my room in 2 days. What happened between Draco and his father has triggered memories from my childhood, and I have begun to fall into a depressive episode. Both the horrible things Lucious did to Draco as well as painful memories from my past have caused me to question life and why it's so horrible to the sweetest of people.

Draco has been checking in on me every hour, trying to get me to leave my room, but I've refused.

But suddenly I'm summoned from my room and this time I have to leave.

"Thisbe, darling, would you mind coming to the library for a moment?" I hear Narcissa call me.

I walk into the library. Narcissa is sitting on a dark green velvet couch and Draco is leaning against a bookcase holding a half drunk glass of firewhisky.

"You wanted to see me?" I say nervously.

"Dear, why don't you take a seat," Narcissa says while patting a spot next to her on the couch.

I take a seat. What the hell is going on?

"Thisbe, Draco has expressed a concern to me regarding your health."

Shit. So that's what she wants to talk to me about. When I heard Draco talking to his mother, I didn't really think they would confront me about it. God, I'm furious at Draco for telling her. I give him a piercing look.

"Okay..." I say.
"Darling, it's come to my attention that you haven't been taking care of yourself. Draco has told me that you haven't been eating proper amounts, and I've witnessed this too while you've been staying with us."

"Seriously, Draco? What is this? An intervention?" I ask.
"Bee, just hear her out. Please. You need help, and I'm saying that out of love for you," he responds.
"I'm fine, Draco, you know I am. Don't make this into a bigger deal than it is."
"It is a big deal, Bee! Don't you get that? You keep pushing me away and won't accept my help or anyone else's or even acknowledge that you do need help. Merlin, you're killing yourself right in front of me and I can't do anything about it!" Draco yells at me.

He finishes his glass of firewhisky and pours himself more.

"Thisbe, I believe what Draco's trying to say is that he's worried about you and scared about what could happen. I know what you're struggling with and how difficult it is, and I want to help you. I know you may not want my help or even believe you need it, but I need you to trust me," says Narcissa in a sweet, motherly voice.

My heart is pounding and I feel like I have butterflies in my stomach. I fiddle with the snake ring Draco gave me.

"Okay," I say in a shy voice.
"Now I know your parents aren't available often, and that it can be especially difficult to discuss hard topics such as an eating disorder with your parents, so I want you to know that I'm here for you. I struggled the same ways as you are during my teenage years, so you can always talk to me."

She gives me a comforting smile and wipes a tear away from my cheek.

"As much as I would like you to, you can't stay at the Manor forever, as you'll need to return to Hogwarts after the break so we'll need to find a long term solution. You can always send me an owl if you ever need my help," Narcissa says.

I give her a smile that tells her I appreciate how kind she's being to me.

"Now, I'm aware that Hogwarts has people you can talk to. And the great thing is that under no circumstances can they tell your family about what's going on unless you give them permission to do so. In some cases, they will have to notify your teachers for your safety but no one else," she tells me.

There is absolutely no way I'm talking to the shitty school shrinks. That's just not going to happen, end of story.

"Thisbe, dear, could you tell me what's going on for you? Where's your mind at?" Narcissa asks me.

I don't answer. It's too awkward to say anything while Draco is in the room.

It's almost as if Narcissa can read my mind because she asks him to make her a cup of tea and he obliges.

"Whatever you say now is between you and me. I won't tell Draco or anyone else. You have my word," she tells me.

"It's just that my family hates me, especially my mother, and I hate myself even more than she does and I wish I was prettier and thinner and smarter and everything that I'm not. And Draco, he probably doesn't even love me anymore because I'm so messed up and I'm such a burden to everyone and especially to him. I mean, I wouldn't blame him for not loving me. Even I don't love me, so why would anyone else? I'm not ready to get better and I'm scared I never will be because I'm just so exhausted. I just- I just can't do it anymore, it's so tiring," I let all of my thoughts and feelings flow out. I break down and begin to cry.

"Oh, sweetheart, come here," she says, embracing me in a comforting hug.

"I can't speak to much about your family, as I don't know them very well, but I'm sure they don't hate you. I was friendly with your mother in school, but we didn't keep in touch. It may seem like they dislike you, but I promise you whatever they do comes from a place of love. And as for Draco, he loves you. Trust me, he's my son and I've never seen him happier than he is with you. He cares about you so much and if you think that he told me about your struggles just to spite you, I promise you that's not the reason why. He told me because he loves you and he fears for what could happen to you. He wants you to get help so you can be happy and healthy. And I want that for you too, darling. You deserve that. I care about you and remember that you can come to me about anything. Draco and I are both here for you. I know it's hard to accept the fact that you need help, but let us help you. Try not to push away the people that care about you. I know it's hard and scary and may seem like you're being targeted, but we just want what's best for you. You may not be ready to recover or want to, I know I didn't want to when I was struggling, but I let my friends and family help me. Let us help you until you've decided that you want to get better for yourself," she tells me.

She's right. I'm not ready to recover and I don't want to either, but I know I need to. It feels so nice talking to Narcissa, like she's the mother I never had.

Suddenly, Draco comes in.

"Bee, I'm sorry I lost my temper earlier. It just frustrates me that you won't take care of yourself or let me help you. I know that's not an excuse, but I just want you to be okay," Draco tells me.

"No, Draco, I'm the one who should be apologizing. I'm sorry for pushing you away when you were just trying to help. I should have let you help me. I'm so sorry."

"It's okay, Bee. What's important now is that you're going to get help and start recovering," he tells me.

He sits next to me on the couch and holds me and gives me a kiss on my head.

What I don't tell him is that I don't want to recover, that I can't because I'm not ready. And the thing is, I don't know if I ever will be.