Fade in to a distant shot of the Blues, yet their voices are just as loud as they normally are
Church: Well, good luck guys. Don't forget to change your underwear at least once a day. Sabine, that goes double for you.
Sabine: What? I can assure you that I'm the cleanest one here.
Church: No, it goes double for you because now you're in charge of changing Caboose's as well. I don't trust Tucker to screw it up.
Tucker: I hate you.
Crunchbite: Blorgh!
Andy: He doesn't wear any pants.
Sabine: (sarcastic) Thank you for pointing that out.
Tucker: Yeah, we noticed. If we meet anybody on this adventure, that might have to change.
Andy: Why, we're used to being naked. Free-ballin', come on! Commando.
Tucker: Let me just put it this way; I felt less threatened when Tex was staring at just the sword.
Sabine: Don't be ridiculous Tex wouldn't (sees Tex staring) Are you kidding me?
Tex: Huh what- oh, fyeuh uhm, yeah, uh- I was just admiring his... his alien... muscle structure.
Tucker: Yeah one particular part of his muscle structure.
Tex: Well that's just a matter of penis- I mean opinion.
Church: Smooth.
Sabine: Tex come on! Have some dignity it's a alien, Private area. You know I'm questioning your taste in men. No offense Church.
Church: None taken.
Caboose looks at the alien betrayed.
Caboose: You told me it was another arm...
Crunchbite: Bluuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurgh!
Andy: Hey Caboose- high five!
Caboose: (Quietly) I don't want to do that any more...
Sabine pats his shoulder as Church takes Tucker to the side.
Church: Tucker come here, I want to talk to you for a second. Listen, just drop off this weapon, and get back to Blue Base as fast as you can.
Tucker: What if I have to kill stuff, dude? I'm a lover, not a fighter.
Church: Hey now, Tucker, I'm the same way. That's why we get along so well. We're both just a couple of lovers.
Tucker: ...That sounded kinda gay dude.
Church: Yeah it did. Uhm... I feel obligated to say something encouraging as your boss.
Tucker: Our Captain died. You're just the guy pretending to be my boss.
Church: Well, you know in our given situation technically you could be seen as one of my employees.
Tucker: Except that I'm not.
Church: Echch, whatever! Listen, I just, as, as someone in an employee/manager relationship-
Tucker: Which doesn't exist.
Church: Heuhhhhhhh...
Tucker: Why did you pull me aside again?
Church: You know I'm sure it was to say something inspiring, or... something, but now I just don't care.
Tucker: I'mma go, man.
Tucker walks towards them and they leave.
Crunchbite: Huuuuur!
Andy: Hey lady! Come on, hustle up! If you gotta use the bathroom, do it now 'cause I'm not pullin' over.
Sabine: (mutters) I am so blowing him up after this.
Church watches them leave and glances at Tex.
Church: You know I have to say I'm a little surprised that you're not goin' with them.
Tex: Why? Quests are dangerous. Give me a good reason to go.
Church looks back at where the left.
Church: Yeah but they usually have some kind of big reward at the end, you know, like some, big treasure chest or, an entire room filled with gold and art. It's not really like you to pass up on something like that, Tex. ...Tex? ...You're gone, aren't you. (Checks) ...Huhhh, I really shoulda seen that coming.
Tex: thanks for giving me an excuse to go Church.
Cut to Sarge scoping Simmons walking Grif to Blue Base through the sniper rifle's scope
Sarge: Well, this is a tough one. Simmons appears to have captured Grif. Which means we're down a man. And now that man has taken Grif prisoner. So does that make us even? What's one plus a turd? Dammit, only Grif can screw up math!
Cut to Simmons walking Grif down the ramp into Blue Base
Simmons: Hurry up Grif.
Grif: You know Simmons, you don't make a very good hostage-taker. My last prisoner experience was much cooler.
Simmons: What?
Grif: You haven't even yelled at me one time.
Simmons: You're doing everything right. I think yelling should be reserved for only the most critical of situations. (tersely) Like when someone drinks milk out of the carton!
Grif: Come on, Simmons, I'm a prisoner. You should be jabbing me in the back with your gun and saying "get moving scum!"
Simmons: (jabs him in the back with his gun) Get going!
Grif: Louder!
Simmons: (jabs him again) I said move!
Grif: Yeaheaheah, that's it!
Simmons: (jabs him again) Move it soldier!
Grif: Okay, seriously? That hurts.
They arrive in the middle of the base
Grif: Man, these guys really like blue lights. I mean, I know this is Blue Base and all but come on, you don't have to beat us over the head with it.
Simmons: Get in the hole.
Grif: You have a hole? Whoa, now that's cool. I take back everything I said, this is much creepier than my last time in the joint.
Simmons: (hits him) Move!
Grif: Dude, if you keep doin' that, this is gonna get old quick.
Simmons: I said in the hole! (hits him and he falls in the hole)
Grif: Ow!
Simmons: Who's the bad hostage-taker now, bitch?!
Grif: (materializing behind him) Um, I think I found a design flaw in your hole.
Simmons: What? Get back in there! (hits him)
Grif falls down the hole, then is propelled back up through another hole behind Simmons.
Grif: Woohoo! Look who's back.
Simmons: God this sucks.
Grif: Seriously dude, you have to try the hole. It's really fun.
Simmons: Ugh, what're you doing? Get back down in there. (hits him)
Grif: Wheee! Look I came out backwards this time!
Simmons: You're supposed to s- you're the prisoner, stay down there!
YOU ARE READING
Red vs blue and purple
FanfictionO'Malley and Lopez escaped and something destroyed their robot armor. Sabine had another flashback and she remembers that she has a brother, that might not be alive. The red are back in blood gulch and Simmons sees a tank, that nobody believes. The...
