Red vs blue and purple

Talk of the Town

Tucker: Bow chicka bow wow. (showing the title card: episode 69)

Fade in to Blue Base in the Gulch. Church is rubbing his back because of the soreness on top of blue base.

Church: Man, Sarge is frickin' heavy. Hey, blue guy, where'd you go, I need some help!

Simmons looks at donut.

Simmons: Listen Donut, Church thinks I'm a blue guy, so whatever you do, just pretend like you don't know me.

Donut: I don't know you.

Simmons: Yeah, just like that, good job.

Donut: No, I'm serious, I have no idea who you are.

Sarge's body falls down from the ceiling in the background.

Simmons: Okay, stop practicing, here he comes.

Donut: So does that mean you're not gonna tell me who you are?

Simmons: Okay, that's a little too far, no-one's gonna buy that.

Church walks in and glares at Simmons.

Church: Euh, you know I could have used some help new guy, thanks.

Simmons: (in a weird voice) I was just securing this prisoner. Which is interesting, considering that I have never met him before.

Church: Why is that interesting?

Simmons: (in the same weird voice) I don't know.

Church: ...Is something wrong with your voice?

Simmons: Oh I was just disguising it, so the prisoner wouldn't think he knew me.

Donut: What?

Simmons: But he doesn't. Do you prisoner?

Donut: Um... no?

Simmons: Right. (whispering) Good job Donut.

Donut: Wait, is this some really weird form of torture?

Church: Well, okay, help me load these guys in the jeep before they wake up.

Simmons: Okay. Donut, grab the ankles.

Donut grabs sarges ankles.

Donut: Okie dokie. How's this?

Simmons: Sarge's ankles, Donut.

Cut to Crunchbite leading Tucker, Caboose, Sabine and Tex through a tunnel of some sort

Andy: Step it up guys, we're almost there.

Tucker: I'm tellin' you, the alien has really been creepin' me out lately. Every time I wake up he's hovering over me. It's really weird.

Tex: I'm sure he's just safeguarding his sword. I mean, my sword.

Caboose: Maybe he just wants to steal your breath.

Tucker: Maybe he's trying to figure out what I taste like.

Sabine: Probably like sadness and misery.

Tucker: I already knew that.

Andy: Hurry up ya idiots.

Tucker rubs his arms for warmth.

Tucker: Man, did it get a lot colder all of a sudden?

Andy: Of course it did. They don't call it the Great Freezin' Plains for nothin'.

Tucker: Whoa.

Caboose: I'm just glad I brought my mittens.

Sabine: I didn't, it's cold.

Tex: The snow is the least of our problems.

Andy: Why?

Tex: I assume we have to get in to that big temple base thing?

Andy: Yeah...

Tex: Well, it's got about two dozen guards on its walls.

Tex points to it and they see a bunch of guards there.

Caboose: Oh no.

Tex: Yep. Doesn't look good.

Caboose: No no no, I mean I lost one of my mittens. Um... we have to go back.

Tucker: Caboose we've been walking for days. We're not goin' back for anything.

Tex: Suggestions Andy?

Andy: I say we let Tucker storm in and take 'em out in a mad rush, and while he's got 'em distracted, we finish the quest.

Tucker: On second thought, personal warmth is very important. Let's go get that mitten! It'll be like a mini-quest.

Tucker was about to walk away when Sabine grabs him by the collar and looks at him.

Sabine: Don't worry Tucker, we won't let that happen.

Tex: I think surprise is the key.

Andy: What ya thinkin'?

Tex: Let me and Sabine take them out, one by one. They will never know what hit them.

Andy: Ya think you can kill 'em all without alerting the rest?

Tex: Just watch us. Let's go.

Sabine: Copy that.

Tex turns invisible using her cloaking ability and Sabine follows her by copying her footprints in the snow.

Andy: How can I watch ya, you just turned invisible.

Tucker: And yet, I was still able to check out her ass. Sabines too, gotta say Sabines is better.

Cut back to the Gulch, where Church and Simmons are dropping off the Reds in front of their base.

Church: Okay, Donut, wait until we're gone, and then you can wake 'em up.

Donut: Well what do I tell them?

Church: I don't care, tell 'em you busted in and rescued them. Get yourself a medal. You deserve it.

Donut: I always did wanna be a hero... and a liar.

Church: Well then, it's your lucky day.

Donut: Don't you want anything?

Church: Like what?

Donut: Well, every time someone surrenders they take somethin'. Like when we took the medic, and you guys took Grif's dignity.

Simmons: Hyeah, like that ever existed. Uhhh, I mean, which one is Grif? Is he the yellow one?

Donut: And this time you guys don't want anything?

Church: Well, technically you're not surrendering. This is what we call in the Military, a "total asskicking." Oh, and also, we're taking your car.

Donut: What? You're leaving us out here, without any transportation? We'll die!

Church: Die of what?

Donut: Exposure! We're stranded! This is murder.

Church: Your base is right there, I can see it.

Donut: You may as well just feed us to the buzzards right now!

Church: You could have walked back to the base in the time we've been discussing this.

Donut: Go. Just sign our death warrants.

Sarge: Rrouw. Gourough. What's goin' on?

Church: Hey, take care o' that guy.

Simmons walks towards sarge and crouch's down next to him.

Simmons: (whispering) Sorry about this Sarge, but look at it this way, you were right; this does hurt you more than me.

Sarge: Is that you, Simmo- (smacked in the head) goh, knocked out again.