Miranda's pov:
A few days had passed since the Halloween party, Curtis' Snapchat story and the "big curry incident" where in every single thing Curtis completely humiliated himself and ruined his reputation. Whatever enough about him I've had a long week myself, for a start my mum has absolutely battered my dad for not washing the dishes. Don't worry by battered I mean she chucked a wooden spoon at him.
But I have to think about me you know like I think about others 24/7 and I shouldn't have to because I'm Miranda Fergie MBE!!
Speaking of always thinking about others my mum is such a lazy cow. She's making me go down to the corner shop tomorrow to get her a pair of magic gloves. I don't know why she wants them so badly I think it's because my grandma bought some the other day and it's like rlly weird how one size fits all but whatever I'm getting distracted again. Curtis is like such a freak of nature though so I hope I don't see him lurking round my mansion again. If I do I swear I'll get all my mates on him 🔪💶⛏⛓🩸
Sorry about that I'm in my Miranda Fergie MBE roadman era and I'm kind of living for the lengness of it ngl xx
Curtis' POV:
"bushes are fucking itchy man" I mutter to my sweet boy self as I fumble around cluelessly like a troll under a bridge. "I'm going to all this trouble for her she better enjoy these too, they weren't bleddy cheap." To my horror and slight pleasure (shhh lol) a bramble rams hard into my arsehole leaving my batty sore and with an overall tingle in the days to come. "Uh uh uh OWCHH" I scream as it rams in 3 times precisely. I start looking up slowly sensing pray coming from above.
"Curtis? Is that you?" Shit. I've been caught.
Miranda is standing over me making me cower down like a little freak in big boisterous bush. And some could argue I was infact just that.
"Hahaha.. Miranda.. what are you doing here?"
I chuckle in her mingingly handsome yet lengers face.
"I live here chav." Miranda Fergie MBE retorted back. "I could ask you the same thing, eww Curtis you stink like bush!"
"I DO NOT! I haven't had bush since last night"
I utter as I quickly slam my big boy hand on my mouth realising Miranda meant garden bush not Jackie from next doors bedtime bush. But in all fairness I don't think she even noticed. "Anyways heh..heh.. I've been thinking we should make up Miranda. I feel horrid without you and so I went down corner shop the other day and got you a little pressie xx"
"R..r.. really Curtis? I'm honoured!" She replies, a smile creeping onto her face like a beached whale creeping as best as it can back to sea 🥹
"Yes really" I begin starting to feel my big bashful eyes well up at her big stinky yellow grin 😩🍆 "here" and with that I toss her the lemon Johnny packet.
Miranda's POV:
His eyes are beady and engaged on my smile as I carefully scan over the packet of lemon condoms that were just thrust into my beaut angel sculpted hands.
"Curtis.. I.. I don't know what to say.. they're.. they're utterly peng."
"You don't have to say anything Miranda. In fact let's not speak at all." Curtis reply's but before I can open my mouth to thank him for the thoughtful gift I start to taste a clam chowder and white lip crust flavoured saliva. It fill my mouths crevasses. What a flavour man, I need a elf bar like that soon as possible because I couldn't contain myself when I realised what happened. The big boy Curtis P kissed me!
And I went to bed feeling the happiest I have ever felt in my life since I went to the nudist beach with Curtis...
To be continued...
YOU ARE READING
Squirty Curtis
HumorosCurtis is a big boy with a courageous appetite for extra curricular activities. His heart of gold is what drives him to make everybody a coffee in the morning. But sometimes that gets the better of him. One horny morny it takes a turn for the worst...
