words don't come that easy.

x

13.01.2022
8:52

Memories we painted together on canvases, no matter how little or unimportant they seemed. You and I, we painted them with our delicate hands, putting vibrant colours and exaggerating those moments a little as we painted them. Filling them with life.

Framing them in the prettiest of frames to hang them on the wall in our little shed. This shed is an art gallery only for the two of us, the paintings here are of the highest value, a treasure belonging to no one else but us. This shed, it is our safe space. I visit here alone more often than I care to admit. The only place which eases my anxiety.

"Fine". I did not know that you could despise a seemingly innocent word so strongly. As you used it so frequently before wandering off. One night you took a deep dive into the deepest depths of your dreams, only to never resurface. I kept waiting for you at the shore and I still do in a hopeless endeavour. Maybe you liked the world of your dreams better than whatever reality ever gave it to you. No, reality only took from you and I never noticed that until it was too late.

We won't be painting any memories together anymore. Ever. An asteroid on a collateral course disguised as a realisation. I stopped visiting our shed for a long time as I feared that I might end up burning the paintings down. Within me a storm was forming, it could have flooded me entirely but I didn't let it form, in fear that I might lose our shed. So, 1 didn't let a single tear fall down and I didn't let it for years to come.

As years went by, an eternal drought formed within me. A barren land. I wanted this drought as this is what I thought would keep our paintings, our shed safe but alas this was all for naught. My drought had consumed our shed, our paintings were filled with cracks. It had become significantly harder to tell what was going on in them, what memories we had stored in them. The drought only bought more pain, unbeknownst to me, it had fully consumed me too.