I have to bunk with him?!?! - A Kaebedo Modern AU Genshin Fanfic

Chapter 13 - damn feelings go brrr

Albedo POV

I get up from the lunch table, silent. I wish I could just be happy... but somehow my mood is able to swing so quickly with nothing but my own thoughts.

I barely pay attention to my surroundings... I just want to go home and forget about everything... to stop worrying about what people think of me and to just see my little sister and give her a hug... it's been less than 24 hours, but I just hate it here.

The rest of my classes go by in a blur... before I know it the final bell rings and I am back in my dorm. Kaeya walks in and I want to say hi to him... or at least something, but my social battery has run out and I overthink it to the point were it would be awkward to give such a late greeting.

Kaeya looks forelorn and I don't know what to do... I should ask him if he's okay, but what if he doesn't want to talk about it??? what if he didn't want to talk about it yesterday but I over pressured him?!?! what if I'm the problem? what if- what if... What if???

I start to scratch my arm repeatedly, a nervous habit of mine, and I decide I will do my homework. I go to my desk, noting Kaeya is sitting on the bottom bunk behind me, scrolling through his phone. I pull out my homework and I stare at the first problem.

Convert 3π/6 into degrees...

I try so hard to just set up the problem... multiply it by 180/π ... ugh I can't think clearly.

I just want to cry or lock myself into a room and throw a tantrum I know I am acting so childish, but I don't know how else to deal with these feelings...

I don't think I've even done anything, but I feel so guilty... why can't I just love who I am inside like everyone else does... why can't I see the good in me that others do?

I am on the verge of a meltdown when Kaeya's calm voice pierces my thoughts,

"Um... I'm going to order pizza and invite Thoma and Childe over for dinner if that's alright with you, some of your friends can come over too..."

I manage to ground myself and I just now am noticing that I started shaking, but It's subsiding a bit.

"Sure it's fine, if you don't mind I think I'll just try to sleep..."

"oh no, that's just fine. I'll try to keep them quiet so they won't wake you..."

Kaeya looks like he wants to say more, but stares at his feet instead.

I finally muster the courage to ask, "hey are you alright, you've been quiet and seem a bit sad..."

Kaeya looks up at me and straight up asks, "do you hate me, if so, what did I do so wrong?" 

He looks so fragile and vulnerable. He never seems this way in public... is he only this way with me?  He sounds so genuine and hurt I just want to tell him that it's all going to be okay...

But... did I do something to make him think I hated him... what did I do?!? I feel so bad now...

"Of course not, what gave you that idea. I could never hate you, you haven't wronged me, not once... In fact you mean a lot to me..." darn it I'm walking a dangerous path, "I only now see your true self and you are so amazing and kind and -"

I get cut off by Kaeya hugging me and bring his face awkwardly close to mine. He quickly jerks away and covers his mouth with his hand, red spreading brightly across his cheeks. I feel myself heat up...

What was that... did he almost ... ki- no Albedo get your head out of the gutter! of course he didn't who would want to kiss me... I almost wish he did though. No wait! 

I've never thought about being kissed before... it sounds nice. I wonder if Kaeya would ever kiss someone as terrible as me...

"U-um, I-i'm going to sleep now!!!" I shout scrambling up the ladder.

I lay down and drift off to sleep, mentally denying any chance of romantic gestures between me and my roommate. 

Darn I'm really pulling out the self insert card here...