Soul not Included

Chapter 76

I was prepared to wake up in another hospital room. My mind still felt foggy and my body was stiff. I was trying to assess my own injuries by moving my limbs around. I might be on pain killers and not feel the pain if i move anything but if i couldn't move in general then surely that meant i was in a cast. I tried for my left arm first. That was the point of impact i remember that moment clearer than anything else.

I forced my body to respond to me somehow. It was hard but not impossible and surprisingly enough there wasn't any pain.

I was either very drugged up or from that disaster I was lucky enough to have come out with a few scrapes and bruises.

Cognitive thought indicated no drugs though. Did I really get so fucking lucky as not to suffer any major injuries.

My eyes flutter open. The ceiling was white and had a rotating fan slowly whipping around. That wasn't a hospital. I didn't want to rush getting up to check but i sort of didn't have to. The sound of the TV was at the foot of the bed that i was laying in  not at a visible top right corner that i know it should be in. From the corner of my eyes I saw no machinery, no wires, no IVs and no fluorescent lights.

Obviously not a hospital. Not at home. 

"Awake?"

I flinched at the sound of another person around me. 

"You should be getting feeling in your body soon," he said.

The voice was calm and husky. Lulling in the way it drawled out of his mouth like he wasn't fully awake himself. I felt my heart stuttering around in my chest. Like it was having a hard time to jump start. 

"Sleep," he murmured. "You'll settle in soon."

His voice trailed off and soon I caught the sound of his soft breathing. He was asleep. 

My lips wouldn't move. No sound escaped them. I was stuck in a body that felt like I was lifting cinderblocks. 

I wanted to find where the voice was coming from immediately. I wanted to see him. I wanted to see Simon. I try to piece the memories of him together. An amass of translucent hair and paled almond skin or was it closer to honey... there's blue eyes. So blue that they didn't seem real. How was the shape of his lips. The curve of his nose. 

I try not to dwell on it. 

I had to breathe in and hold it. Held it until my lungs burned and exhaled slowly. I need a calm mind again.

If Simon was here... then that means that I'm back in Twilight and I'm being bombarded with so much conflicting emotions that I didn't know what to do with them. Joy was the dominate emotion. Joy and relief. Disoriented. Confused. Panic. Longing and sorrow rolled into one. But it was joy that was overwhelming me. I was back. God, i was back. And I don't know if that was good or bad but i was happy. 

All the tension. All the fear. All the stress just washed away... 

Im here now. So far away that there was no way my dad could reach me.

Not with his hands, his breath or words. They were far far far far away...

And among the happiness... slowly trails behind, guilt.

If i am here... then what is happening over there. The truck came. I got hit. Does that mean i died? Officially? Would that mean that I won't be going back ever? Does that mean my family will have to deal with a funeral?

I closed my eyes and kept in the frustrated cry of the weight of that guilt. 

I swallowed the guilt down. Not right now. I can't deal with it now.