The secret pact

Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Jane's pov

Once again Maura came after school, looking a bit sad and worried. Lately she has been feeling down, and even though she was trying to hide it, I knew. And just like always, I already knew the reason why she was kind of upset, but I waited for her to begin the conversation and spill her heart out. She hasn't told me what was worrying her mind, but I think I knew very well. I knew that going to college was stressful enough for her, but knowing that she would be all alone and without me was even harder for her. I could manage somehow, but she was more fragile than me, and even though she pretended everything's fine, I knew better than that. And plus, she probably had a bad day at school too. So I was ready to have a long conversation, waiting for her with a cup of hot chocolate and some advice or just a simple hug to soothe her, if she wanted me to do that. But I already knew she would need it.

"What's eating you?" I culdn't help but ask her. Maybe she wanted to talk about it, but since she didn't begin, I had to ask. I knew she would feel better when she shared with me. She always did.

"Oh, no thanks, I already ate."

"What?"

Did she even hear what I said!? She was standing there, deep in thought so perhaps she didn't.

"What did you say? I am sorry, Jane." She looked at me, focusing her attention back to me.

"You are distracted, Maura" I pointed out. "I simply asked what the matter is."

"Nothing's the matter."

"Come on, Maura. You could tell me what's bugging you. You seem a little down."

"You know that I am not very popular at school..." She began telling me.

"And...?" I raised my brow. I knew that wasn't the big problem so it had to be more than just that.

"They all call me geek, Jane. No one likes me. They all make fun of me."

"I suppose there's more than that?" I asked and looked away because Maura seemed like she was having a hard time sharing it with me.

"And I just... I think I would never find a spouse." She finally spilled the beans and I honestly didn't expect that.

"You are going to college, Maura. In college people will be more mature. I promise."I took her hand in mine. "This is high school, what do expect? You think I don't get mocked from time to time. Boys are just mean, but don't mind them. Just ignore what they say."

"Really? And what they mock you about?" she asked, sounding doubtful of my statement.

"It doesn't really matter. It's silly and I just ignore them. And you should do the same."

"And I think you made that up just to make me feel better. You don't have to do that, Jane. Just be honest with me."

"All right, it's about my breasts. Or the lack of it. They mock me that I am not fully developed... as a woman. But never mind. It's not important. Don't let them get under your skin. You'll always have me. Just say the word, and I'll come at your school and kick their butts off for making fun of you. They are just stupid snobs, Maura. Don't mind them. Soon you wouldn't have to see them ever again. Focus on that. All right?"

I gave her a pep talk. She was definitely more sensitive than me. I could just ignore all the silly comments some boys made about me, but Maura was having a hard time accepting it. It was so obvious how hurt she felt. She must have an awful time at school. She always comes back sad and worried. I knew it was hard for her, but she had to be strong.

"But they all call me Maura the bore-a, Jane! Who would want me!? I am just one boring geek!"

"You'll find someone, Maura. Don't beat yourself up." I tried to soothe her, caressing her back gently. She needed to calm down.

"When?" She sounded so desperate and hurt, like she has been feeling neglected by everyone else around her. But she had me.

"Soon," I suggested, but she didn't seem to believe it. She was still looking sullen.

"And you're still single, Jane. Why doesn't that worry you even a little bit?"

"Why should it bother me, Maura?"

"Well, I don't know about you but I... I just... I want to have sex."

"I am flattered, but I have to decline your offer." I joked, trying to lighten the mood, but Maura didn't even crack a smile.

"I am serious, Jane."

"I think you should find someone first, Maura. It takes two to tango, if you know what I mean."

"Jane, I want to ask you something and I want an honest answer to my question. No sarcastic jokes or anything of that sort."

"Got it."

"Do you promise?" she asked to make sure I wouldn't use my sarcasm per usual. I think she doesn't like my sense of humour because she couldn't even understand my sarcastic jokes, but I promised her.

"Sure."

She leaned closer and asked quietly, "Do you think there's difference between having sex and making love?"

"Yes. Of course." I answered quickly and honestly, without even thinking about it. It wasn't a question I had to consider, I just knew it deep inside.

"And what is it then? I don't see any difference, beside the expression."

"The experience is different... I suppose..."

"What do you mean?"

"In my opinion, having sex is just a way of satisfying a need. Something you do to boost your self-esteem, to make yourself feel wanted. And needed. Or you know... just to scratch an itch."

"An itch?" she raised her brow.

"And making love is making the other one feel loved, and wanted. And needed. You just make it out of love, to show how much you love someone."

She nodded, but didn't seem very convinced by what I was saying.

"I don't know why, but I have always imagined that making love would be slow... passionate... tender... act of love. A way to express your deep love towards the other. A way to please your spouse and show him your deep feelings. "

"And I think it's just sex," Maura concluded. "It's as simple as that. In both cases. Do you imagine it will feel different then?" She was intrigued and seemed curious to find out about my opinion.

"Of course, Maura. That's why I want to wait for someone I really love. And so should you." I patted her hand. "No matter what other people say or do. They just exaggerate or lie. Someone mocking you for being a virgin is not the right reason to have sex."

"I didn't say that." Maura protested.

"You don't have to. I know what you're thinking. I could read your mind."

"Really? And what am I thinking about right now?" she crossed her hands on her chest, looking at me with a smirk on her face.

"Wow, Jane, you're brilliant!" I suggested, but she shook her head negatively, giggling. "Oh, I know! You're annoyed with me. Am I right?"

"You're close," she retorted, smiling. But when I looked deep in her eyes, I saw sadness and I instantly knew what she was thinking about. She was worried about going to college and being away. But I couldn't say anything about it because it was inevitable. It was pointless to talk about it. So I just smiled back at her, pretending not to notice the sadness in her eyes. I was going to miss her so much...