The secret pact

Chapter 15

Chapter 15

Jane's pov

Lately I've been studying really hard. I didn't have enough time even for my favorite thing - baseball. I had a few exams that I had to take so I needed to study very hard and concentrate on them. My only focus at that time was taking my exams successfully. I didn't have any time to see my friends and I didn't go out very often.

Things with Maura after our fight weren't going very good. We still saw each other because our families had dinners together - it was something like a tradition. Apparently Maura hasn't said anything about us to her parents and neither have I. So our families didn't know about our little fight. They still thought we were good friends. But I didn't know what we were anymore. Maura and I talked with each other about casual stuff and she acted like normal, but other than that - she didn't even call me as often as she used to do. I didn't see her every day, and even if we spent some time together, everything was different. And I really hated it. Sometimes we saw each other very rarely since we weren't going at the same school. We still shared details about our every day life and school stuff, but I was feeling really bad because nothing was the same anymore. It felt strange and unfamiliar when we talked or shared something. And I could only see Maura at our family dinners so we haven't spent some quality time alone since our fight.

That day wasn't an exception. We were having dinner at Maura's parent's house and they invited us to stay the night. Maura and I haven't spend the night together ever since our special morning, or should I call it the reason why everything went so wrong. Since our parents didn't know we weren't very close now, they assumed that we would sleep together in Maura's room like we always did. And my parents were staying in the guest room so I had nowhere else to go. Maura acted like everything was fine with her so I didn't protest too. Apparently we were pretending in front of our families so they wouldn't suspect anything. I couldn't even tell if Maura was still mad at me for my words. She had a poker face all the time and she was keeping her distance. She didn't look angry, but she didn't seem happy too. I knew only one thing for sure –it would be a very long and awkward night.

By the time I went to Maura's bedroom she was already laying on the right side of the bed, dressed in her pj. She wasn't asleep though. Usually she gave me one of her PJs for bed since I didn't bring mine, but I couldn't dare to ask her under the stern circumstances. So I just went to bed with my clothes on, lying as far away from her as possible. I didn't want to disturb her. I knew I owed her an apology and my mind was screaming at me to apologize to her, but I just couldn't mutter a word. I was just laying there silently, wating for Maura to talk first, even though I knew she most probably wouldn't. Maura was looking somewhere at the ceiling, staying totally immobile. I felt like she was paying more attention to the ceiling, acting as I wasn't there at all, ignoring me perhaps on purpose, or perhaps because she didn't know what to say. It was really bad, but I didn't know what to do too. I was staring blankly, trying to figure out what I was supposed to say or do.

That night was my only chance to make amends with her, I knew that, and I had to do something about it. And yet I didn't know if I could muster enough courage. I felt very nervous and Maura's dead silence didn't help too.

I slowly moved my hand towards her body and I gently stroked her arm with my pinky, without even looking at her. I wanted to see how Maura would react and would she pull away abruptly. Would she get angry at me? But she stayed still and didn't pull away. She didn't do anything at all, but I knew she felt it.

"I umm..." I started saying and Maura finally looked my way. "Am sorry," I muttered, looking at her apologetically.

"Jane..." She turned her face to look in my eyes and asked me softly, "That morning... did we have sex or did we make love?"

"What?" I was stupefied by her question. Maura definitely caught me off guards and I didn't know what to say. It was a very tough question and so out of the blue. I didn't have any answer prepared. I thought she would want to talk about our fight, about the fact that I didn't tell her I applied for the same college. I thought she would want a sincere apology from me. Or some explanation. I didn't expect she would still want to talk about the pact. We haven't mentioned it since our fight.

"You said there's difference." Maura was staring at me, expecting some answer. "I want an honest answer," she added and waited patiently, seemingly calm. I didn't know what to do. There was no way to avoid her question, no place to hide.

"Did we just have sex or did we make love?" she repeated her question softly as she turned her body and her whole attention towards me. Her eyes were fixated on me, looking expectantly.

"I don't know, Maura... I thought it makes no difference to you."

"I am not asking if it makes any difference to me, Jane. I want to know how it felt for you."

"Why? Does it matter?" The best tactic to avoid her question was to shoot another one right back at her.

"Don't avoid my question, Jane." She scolded me and I rolled my eyes, feeling silly for believing I almost got away with it. "Just answer me. Did you really do it because of me? Do you stand behind your words or did you just say them because you were angry back then? Did you really mean it, Jane? It's a simple yes or no question."

Oh boy, I was screwed. What should I tell her? My mind just blocked – it went blank and I had no idea what to say to her. My heart started racing and I was sweating from nervousness. The moment of truth had finally come.