The secret pact

Chapter 18

Chapter 18

Maura's pov

I woke up because of the noise coming from the living room and the first thing I saw was Jane's face on the pillow - she was lying next to me but she was still sleeping. Jane is a heavy sleeper so the fact that our parents were talking a bit too loud for my own liking – since my room is close to the living room, and apparently our parents were already up - but that obviously didn't bother Jane's sleep at all. I smiled at the look in front of me – because Jane was really cute when she was asleep – and I was just about to kiss her for good morning as I usually do when I wake her up, when I realized that I was still mad at her. It was by habit, I justified myself, trying to convince my own mind into believing it. It wasn't like I wanted to do it – it was pure old habit. Or maybe I was fooling myself. I just wanted to justify my behavior by saying it was just a habit, which was probably just partly true. But only partly.

A good morning kiss was what ruined our friendship in the first place. Even though I didn't want to admit it because it hurt me deeply, our friendship with Jane was ruined. Almost. We were still friends, true, but our friendship wasn't in a very good terms at that moment. We weren't at the right place of our friendship, if I could put it that way, which didn't make it sound any better. Our friendship hasn't changed completely but I couldn't say it was the same either. It definitely felt different. Was it falling apart? I didn't know for sure, but I hoped not. I hoped we could keep our friendship and simply forget what happened between us. It was the only way we could get past our greatest morning or in other words our friendship deal-breaker. The secret pact, which ironically was my idea. If only I knew what Jane thought about it... I didn't know whether Jane wanted to spare my feelings when I asked her if she had sex with me simply because I asked her, or perhaps she had her own reasons to keep silence. Jane was the type of person who would close herself into a shell when she felt vulnerable; who would hardly share her thoughts and feelings with anyone. She used to share them with me. But that was then. Before the pact.

A thousand times I have wished that I didn't have sex with Jane. Even though I loved it, and somehow it opened my eyes, sometimes I just wished it had never happened. I wished I could undo everything that happened between me and Jane, but I couldn't. If I could go back in time, I would never do the same stupid mistake and things could go back to normal. It would be so much easy if our secret pact hadn't happened at all. If I could erase it somehow, get a second chance to do things the right way, I would probably never let it happen again. Or maybe I was fooling myself because what happened between us was inevitable, and it was bound to happen. Would Jane have done the same thing if I hadn't asked her to sleep with me? Were all these things happening because of me? Were they bound to happen anyway? Was it all happening because we were both leaving for college, going into separate ways? These kinds of questions bothered my mind almost every night. But Jane and I - we both had to face the consequences of our pact.

Since I couldn't undo the past I was determined to fix the present and our friendship with Jane. I thought of a perfect plan, and I knew how to get my old Jane back, but I just needed my mom's help in order to do that. All I had to do was ask for my mother's help. I didn't know if my mom could do anything about it, but I was hoping for the best outcome. I had only one thing left - hope.