The secret pact

Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Jane's pov

Next few weeks flew by. They went so fast, but somehow tedious as well. I didn't see Maura so often these few last weeks, at least not as often as I used to. I was just busy with my family, making some college preparation as well, studying for the upcoming exams. I was really occupied because there was a lot of stuff that I had to do before leaving for college. I had a lot on my plate at that moment, but I wanted to be that way, to be honest. Maybe keeping me busy with college stuff was just some lame excuse, but I was desperately grasping at straws, only because I needed to occupy my mind with something. That was just an attempt to forget what happened between me and Maura and think about something else. And yet I couldn't stop thinking about our secret pact no matter how hard I tried avoiding thinking about it.

I know that when Maura and I made a pact to sleep with each other before college, at first I couldn't even do it. Actually, I couldn't even believe it because it seemed like such a crazy idea. I couldn't believe she was asking me to have sex with her for real because I thought she was just messing up with me. We were just friends and I liked it that way. But the next morning things just happened between us and we ended up having sex, and for me it wasn't just because of the pact. I didn't do it because Maura asked me to, but because I felt it that way. I really wanted it to happen. At that very morning I just started seeing her with new eyes, in a brand new light. She was different, and everything between us happened so naturally.

But I had no idea about Maura. What she thought about the situation, if I could call it that way. I didn't have the guts to ask her about it and we didn't see each other very often lately, at least not like we used to do in the past, way before we made the secret pact. It felt so far away, like it had happened a whole decade ago. And yet I could still imagine it pretty vividly in my mind, like it happened yesterday. I was feeling so confused about the whole situation. I really needed to figure it all out, I knew that. But I was putting it off, purposely postponing the big talk that I had to make with Maura. Avoidingit completely was the easiest option and I was fine with it. At least for now.

But we definitely needed to talk about it, to sort things out between us, and yet we were both so busy at that moment. And plus, I couldn't muster enough courage to ask Maura straightforwardly. And lately, whenever we agree to see each other alone, we end up postponing it because something always comes up. We just couldn't spend some quality time alone. But sooner or later it was bound to happen. And I had no idea would I ever dare to ask Maura about it and how would I muster enough courage to bring the subject up. I just couldn't force myself to do it, but I knew I couldn't just ask her over the phone too. I really wanted to know how she felt after we had sex because I wasn't even sure what she thought about it – did she think that I did it because she asked me to and because and we made a secret pact or did she know that the secret pact had nothing to do with it. I wish I knew, but I didn't. I just knew one thing for sure - Maura and I needed to talk, sooner or later. Tete-a-tete.