Aspiring Nobody

Chapter 32 Being difficult

ERIN'S POV

Sunday morning, I arrange with Simone to get a ride to Styles' house. Not that he knows I'm coming. But I figure being a Sunday he shouldn't be too busy, which will give us a chance to reconnect. It's a little after midday when Simone and I leave campus. 

I do my best not to dwell on the fact that since getting together with Styles, we've spent not much time together. And it's not all about him hurting my feelings because he didn't want me to post anything on social media, either. Fact is, he could have made more of an effort? Three phone calls and a handful of text messages don't cut it over five days--not when two of those phone calls I made to him. I get that we both have different lives and other commitments, but I'm certain it shouldn't be this hard.

Minutes later, and I'm waving goodbye to Simone and taking in the parked cars in and around Styles' drive way. He has visitors. I wouldn't have come if I'd known he was entertaining. I'm not even sure I should go in? They'll no doubt wonder who I am? What my connection to him is? Which will be a problem, since I already know he's not ready to tell anyone about us? So, what will they think about me showing up? More importantly, what will he think? And a few interactions over the phone are not enough to gage his feelings for me?

Ok. I should have called him first. Whatever. I'm here now.

I press the buzzer and wait. Seconds seem like minutes before the door opens. Bianca pulls a surprised face when she sees me. "You're not here to work, are you?"

I remind myself that she doesn't know about us being together yet. "No. I need to speak with Styles."

"For what? It's Sunday, and he has family over."

"I'm sure he won't mind," I say. Now I'm eager to get inside and see how he reacts to me when he's around his family.

"Ok." Bianca holds the door open for me, and I step inside, thinking I am little more than Styles' employee in her eyes. I should go in with no expectations. That way, it won't be a shock when he acts indifferent towards me.

I follow behind Bianca, thinking how glamorous she looks in her black jumpsuit and black stilettos. I look down at my white dress and brown sandals, thinking how unfashionable and cheap I look compared to her.

Once we get past the staircase, I hear other voices. This should be interesting. I straighten my dress as we get closer. Regardless of how hurt and annoyed I am with him, I've missed him. Not that I can hug or kiss him, even though it's been five days since we've seen each other. I hate how impersonal this has become. Nevertheless, I must play it cool. No hug. No kiss. Instead, I'll greet him with a flick to the head and tell him to wake the hell up to himself.

My breath catches as I enter the kitchen and see a dozen people standing around chattering in the dining area. I hide behind Bianca who has a few inches on me in her heels. I peek around her shoulder and see Styles talking with an older man who looks just like him but middle aged. His father I assume. These people are posh. Not like the guys Style was with at the club. Either way, my tummy flutters. I'm excited to see him. I wish I could wrap my arms around him and kiss him stupid.

"Ashley!" Bianca calls out. "Someone's here to see you." Bianca steps away, leaving me feeling exposed as every eye in the room falls on me. My gut does a flip. My face burns. I'm blushing.

Oh God, I'm blushing.

My eyes find Styles' blue gaze as he walks towards me with a blank expression. He jerks his head towards the hall. Which makes me angry. But I do as he wants and walk out ahead of him. No one is in the hall. No one can see us here.

No sooner do I turn back to face him, he leaps at me like I'm pray, pulling  me into his arms and covering my mouth with his hungry mouth as his hands feverishly roam my body. But I'm not having it and pull away. "You're intent on hiding that we're together, aren't you?"

 "What. No." He tries to kiss me again but I pull back.

 "Erin, I'm just not up for a hundred questions right now. Besides, I've only just got back from Melbourne and haven't had the chance to tell my family about you."

"Don't you mean tell them about us," I counter.

"Same thing."

"No, it's not."

"Now you're just being difficult."

Ok, I wasn't expecting him to broadcast our relationship; in fact, I knew he would be discreet. But this, this is hurtful. Why couldn't he tuck me under his arm and tell everyone we're together? Is he embarrassed by me? I don't care that he's out of my league, or how mismatched we are. I just know that he makes me happy. And I want him, regardless of what people say or think.

But maybe he doesn't feel the same about me?

"Erin, let's just play it cool in front of everyone." He wraps an arm around my waist and pulls me to him, kissing me again and giving me some comfort in an uncomfortable situation. "Fuck! I've missed you." his mouth runs down my throat. "I've been dreaming about this body." He runs his hand along my inner thigh and touches me, there. "I want this body so fucking much."

I grab his hand and remove it before someone appears and sees what he's doing. "Is that all you missed, my body."

He frowns. "You are your body. What are you getting at?"

I shrug. "I'm more than a body."

"Don't pretend you're sassy because I said I missed your body, Erin. You're pissed about something. What?"

"Yeah, we're hiding in the hall so your family can't see your hand up your employees dress and your tongue down her throat."

He lets me go and steps back. "What the actual fuck. Clearly you didn't miss me."

I roll my eyes. "You know I did; I called you two times and told you. But this... what is this?"

"Us being discreet when I have a house full of my judgmental family who know nothing about this. I don't want them to judge you."

"Discreet. This is hardly discreet. If one of them walked in they would see you all over me. And why should they judge me? They don't even know me." Then it hits me. "You don't think they'll like me because you already know I'm not good enough. I'm not posh enough. "

"That's bullshit, and I'm not listening to anymore.  So calm yourself down before you come out there."

Five minutes later, and I'm amongst his family. Ok, they don't look as uptight as I first thought they did. Some of them seem more interested in looking at me than talking to me, though. Until one woman introduces herself as Styles' cousin, Laura.

"So, you work with Styles', do you?"

"Yes, unfortunately."

Laura giggles. "It's not that bad, is it?"

"What are you doing, Erin?" Styles asks.

I want to kick him in the shin every time he tells people I am helping him sort through old accounts. "Being honest. At least one of us should be, instead of pretending things are good when they aren't."

His eyes narrow in on mine. "I know exactly what you are referring to, but I would expect you to understand that I have my own way of doing things."

"Even if it hurts someone else?" I push.

"That's not my intention."

"No," I say, "but that's what you're doing?"

Laura laughs. "Have I missed something?