Chapter Thirty-Six

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|| message to: my firefly ||

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|| message to: my firefly ||

why havent you been answering your phone

i'm not kidding this time willa, tell me what's going on

Why? Why should I?

because were friends

i care about you, that's why

You don't even know me.

i don't?

i don't know that you bite at your cuticles whenever you start spacing off or get irritated because you can't find the right shade of paint?

Anyone could see that.

i don't know that your favorite colors are yellow and orange, that if you could you'd spend all day looking at the clouds on a blanket trying to find shapes in them?

maybe it's just a coincidence that i know what your favorite flowers are, that you have a preference for watercolors over acrylic or oil, that you'd kill to own a german shepard lab mix, and that if someone asked you what your favorite food was, you'd only say breakfast because breakfast is your favorite meal of the day

am i wrong?

not in the ballpark?

who am i kidding, i know im right

so why won't you admit it

Because I'm scared, Jasper.

of what?

tell me

please

You're just going to run away as soon as I tell you so what's the point? What's the point in any of this?

willa...

You're going to make fun of me and leave me on read just like everyone else I used to be friends with after I told them why I was gone for so many days out of the year.

Nothing has changed.

I'm the same old me, with the same old problems, except this time I'm more aware of my situation now

what is that supposed to mean?

It means I'm dying, Jasper.

Yeah, my life expectancy went from seventy to seventeen, eighteen if I'm extremely lucky.

The surgery? I could die from that too. Actually, there's only a twenty percent chance I'd make it anyways.

How do I decide what to do?

How do I know what the right choice is?

Do I go with it and hope that I'm one of the lucky few or enjoy the last days I have left to live?

We have until the end of the week to make a decision. So five days. I need to figure out, in five days, if I want them to take part in an assisted suicide because that's what this is, isn't it? I know if I go in there, I'm more than likely never leaving that operating table.

you don't know that

don't talk like that

where's the willa i know?

She's not available. Leave a message after the beep.

(Beep).

oh hey there firefly

so here's the thing

this crazy lady answered your phone and has been messaging me, don't know what that's about but keep your head up alright?

i know or i can only imagine what you're going through right now

i'm not even sure how to respond or if there is a way that'll do justice to kicking this crazy lady out of existence

you deserve to be happy and carefree and live up the rest of your childhood in peace

you deserve so much out of this world

and the world doesn't deserve you

you are what keeps it spinning

so pick up that crown of yours

because you already know what decision to make

you are a fighter, you're strong, capable, and full of joy

those are just a few things i...i really like about you

don't give up, alright?

if not for me or your mom, then for yourself

we're in this together

cue the high school musical sound track

🥀

I feel like I'm a reader right now, I'm so nervous haha.

Even I myself don't know how this is going to turn out. I just start typing and see where the situation goes each update. But we're nearing the end guys.

Don't forget to

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And as always, I will see you lovelies in the next one 💕

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