Luther: sup bae
Allison:
Luther: when your bae is fam
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Diego: I do love working here, just, we all have a lot of laughs
Diego to Luther: FUCK OFF LUTHER I'M NOT GOING TO DAD'S FUCKING FUNERAL
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Vanya: hey, I'm lesbian
Luther: I thought you were American
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Five: did you do the dishes?
Sage: I thought you wanted to do that
Five: hmhmhm you were wrong.
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Luther: so basically, *whips off sunglasses* um, what I was thinking of was, uh-
Max: *punches him across the face*
Luther: oh, fuck! I can't believe you've done this
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Klaus: *does the fake jerk-off thing*
Sage: *walks up behind him, eyes super wide*
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Sage: *is eating ice cream in the passenger seat*
Five's mind: imma do it. Imma hit the breaks really fuckin fast.
Five: *hits break unexpectedly*
Sage: *accidentally deep-throats her spoon* FIVE! WHY- *gags*
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Luther: has anyone ever told you you look like Beyonce?
Sage: nah they usually tell me I look like Sage
Luther: who the fuck is that?
Sage: me bitch
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Five and Klaus: I love you, bitch!
Sage and Max: oh my god
Five and Klaus: I ain't gon never stop lovin you, bitch!
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Sage: SMACK CAM!
Max: BITCH I HOPE THE FUCK YOU DO! YOU BE A DEAD SON OF A BITCH, I'LL TELL YOU THAT!
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Five: oh mah gawd I lawve Sage
Sage: *looks away*
Five: Sage is mah lafe
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Sage: hey Five, you want some? *Hands him an empty coffee mug*
Five: THIS BITCH EMPTY! Y E E T
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Klaus: WHAT ARE THOSEEEEE
Sage: they are my C R O C S
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Luther: welcome to physics *shows Vanya in the cage thing*
Vanya: *blows up the fuckin moon*
Luther: HOLY MOTHER-
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Luther: I brought you frankincense
Allison: thank you
Vanya: and I brought you mur
Allison: thank you
Vanya: mur-der!
Allison: *gasps* Vanya, no!
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Luther: *coughs*
Diego: hi Luther. You sick?
Luther: yeah. do you think I can get some chicken noodle soup?
Diego: just fucking shut up and die slowly
Luther: k
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Klaus: ehehehehe ahahahaah Max, you're so funnyyyy
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Diego: Sage who's your best friend?
Sage: *hugs Max, Five, Vanya, Ben, and Klaus*
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Sage: *in Luther's room with a sheet over their head*
Luther: AHHHHHHHH AHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH *runs away* *comes back with a pillow* *whacks sage over the head*
Five: OH YOU DONE GONNA GET YOURSELF FUCKED UP
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Sage: MAX! IS THAT A WEED?
Max: no, it's a crayon
Sage: I'M CALLING THE POLICE! *dials 911 on the microwave*
Microwave: 911, what's your emergency?
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Sage: *starts recording Five while "Love Me Like You Do" is playing*
Ellie Goulding: my heads spinning around, I can't see clear no more
Five: WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FORRRRRRRR
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Luther: I always get the vibe that like, you hate me or something
Literally everyone: what? Us, hate you? .... You're right
YOU ARE READING
The Umbrella Academy Groupchat
RandomThe Hargreeves and I in some weird ass scenarios over text that I think would happen WAKEY WAKEY EGGS AND BAKEYYYY
