I'll love you forever (Calzona)

Chapter 25

Arizona's POV

It's 8 am now and Callie is dragging me back to the hospital,

However, I told her I wasn't going until after breakfast,

She think she is going to keep me in the hospital so she is upstairs packing some clothes while I am downstairs playing with paisley,

When I heard callie coming down the stairs I picked paisley up and we went over to meet her

"I'm not staying" I tell her and she sighs

"We'll see what Amelia says" she says and I nod,

When we got to the hospital we took paisley to daycare and met Amelia in one of the patient rooms along with Meredith

"How you feeling?" Amelia ask

"I'm fine." I say

"Arizona" Callie sighs

"I'm fine really, just a little nauseous" I admit and they nod

"So what are our options?" Callie ask

"Unfortunately, nothing more than I said yesterday, while yes, Amelia can remove the Mets in the brain, the ones in her abdomen, take over anyhow. So it's likely it will just continue to spread" Meredith says

"So if we remove the Mets in the brain will that give her more time?" Callie ask and I sighs

"No, It.... Won't make a difference, not the way the Mets are spreading" Meredith admits

"So you're saying we start chemo and still less than a year" Callie ask and Amelia and Meredith sigh

"Yes" Amelia says

"So when can we start chemo?" Callie ask her

"Callie" I sigh

"Today" Amelia says at the same time

"I'm not doing chemo" I say, causing everyone to look at me

"Arizona don't be ridiculous" Callie says

"Callie, if I do chemo I'm going to be sick, until I die, I'm not doing that" I say and she scoffs

"It's not just you Arizona, you have a daughter to think about" she says

"All I ever do is think about her! I'm doing this for her! Callie she turns three next month, if I start chemo I will be bed ridden the entire time until I die, I'm not doing it" I say and she turns around and runs her hands through her hair

"This is ridiculous!" She exclaims and walks out of the room

"She just needs time" Meredith says and I scoff

"We'll time is something we don't have" I say

"I'm leaving" I say and get out of the bed

"Arizona, just" Amelia says and I stop her

"Just nothing Amelia, I know. Okay I know. 6 months? Great. I get it. I'm a surgeon. You know how many times I have had to tell parents they are losing their child? So many times. But, I am not putting my daughter through this, I am not going to let her see me sick all the time, it's not happening" I say and leave them both in the room and I go up to the daycare to get paisley but I stopped when I seen Callie inside sitting with her

I walked in but stayed behind, watching them interact until paisley seen me and smiled

"Mommas here!" She shrieks and runs over to me and I pick her up

"Hi my baby" I smile and kiss her cheek and Callie walks over to us

"I'm sorry" she says and I smile softly and kiss her

"I would rather have 6 good months then 12 bad ones" I say honestly and she nods

"I- I just don't want to let you go" she says and I put paisley down so I could hold Callie properly

"Why don't we go to my office?" I ask and she nods and we walk down the hall after saying goodbye to our baby

"I can't lose you" she says, her voice breaking

" and I don't want to leave you" I say, both of us now crying

"Why does this have to happen to you? You save tiny humans for crying out loud! It's not fair" she yells and holds me tighter

"I love you, you hear me? So much." I say and pull her in for a kiss

"What are we going to do?" She ask after a few moments, the both of us now sitting on the couch in my office

"We spend the next 6 months being a family. We have paisleys party next month, we'll go on a vacation. We'll just.... Be together" I say and she nods

"I'm sorry I yelled, I'm just scared. Scared of losing you. I don't know how I'm going to raise paisley by myself." She says and I look up to the ceiling, not wanting to think about leaving my daughter

"Callie you are an amazing mother, you can do it. But you won't be alone, we have friends that will help, you know my parents won't leave your side. And I'll still be there. Just, you won't be able to see me" I tell her, tears still in both of our eyes

"Did you tell your parents?" She ask while holding my hand and I take a deep breath

"No, not yet, I was thinking we could go Over and tell them" I say and she nods

"Of course," she says

"And... since I can't operate anymore, I don't know what I'm going to do" I say, not being able to operate or to do what I love is going to kill me just as much as the cancer is.

"We'll make it work" Callie says and I nod and lean into her

"Calliope" i say softly and she looks down at me

"I know it's early, but. When the time comes don't let me die in a hospital," I say and she looks down at the ground

Clearly none of us ever wanted to have these conversations

"I won't," she says and I lay down with my head in her lap and she ran her fingers through my hair

"I wish I could wake up and it all be a dream" I whispers

"Me too" Callie sighs

"Are you okay with going to my parents tonight?" I ask her and she nods

"That's perfectly fine with me" she says and I close my eyes, not trying to sleep but just trying to think about what our life is going to look like going forward

"Please don't leave me" I say quietly

"Arizona..... I could never leave you. No matter what happens you're not losing me" she says and I nod

"But in a way I am" I say and she sighs

Why does this have to happen to us?

"We'll figure it out, one way or another we'll figure this out"

Till next time ❤️

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