EGO

COLD

I took the hour drive to my parents house, dreading what unknown I was walking into. When I pulled up, the driveway was empty, which was a relief.

Walking into the house everything was the same as usual, but it was unusually cold inside. I went into my old bedroom and smiled...they left everything the same.

Then I heard movement below. I took a deep breath and made my way downstairs.

My dad was the first to approach me and give me a hug.

"Good to see you, son."

"Good to see you too, Dad."

"Might as well get it over with...she's in the kitchen."

I nodded my head and walked towards the kitchen to find my mother. She was already chopping up vegetables and pulling the seasonings from the cabinet.

Standing behind her, I wrapped my arms around her shoulders. She stopped what she was doing and stood still.

"I'm sorry mom....please forgive me for not answering your phone calls. It won't ever happen again."

She turned around and looked up at me. Her hazel eyes, staring into mine. She hugged me tight, letting her tears fall.

"I was so worried, your Dad had to stop me from driving up to your place. With what happened to Sophia...I just wanted to hear your voice."

"I love you, Mom. I'm here now, I'm okay...see?" I gave a smile and she smiled.

"I love you too, my baby."

***

My parents and I sat at Sophia's funeral. Her parents sobbed and were comforted by loved ones and friends. Viewing her body, I couldn't help but notice how beautiful she looked...it was like she was sleeping.

Mrs. Mills greeted my parents and they gave each other hugs. I stayed away from them, I couldn't handle looking them in the eyes. It never crossed my mind Sophia would do this to herself and my heart wouldn't let me accept it.

At the burial, it was sunny and bright outside. I stood next to my parents, allowing my sunglasses to hide my emotions. When I looked up toward the crowd, everyone was staring at me...I squeezed my mother's hand and she looked at me, making sure I was okay.

When I took my shades off, those same eyes that I thought were staring weren't looking at me at all. But someone still was.....Mrs. Mills.

I put my shades back on, whispered to my mother I was leaving then walked toward my car.

"Devin, wait!"

I turned around, it was Sophia's mother.

Devin, stay calm...

"I didn't get a chance to thank you for coming."

"No worries....you have more important things to worry about."

She stood as if she wanted to say more to me...but I'm not sure if I wanted to hear it.

"If there's anything you need to say to me....I'm listening." I just said to her.

"Why did you stop talking to her?"

"That wasn't my intention, Mrs. Mills. I got really busy and..."

"I know you two had something going on when she stayed with you. That was the happiest she's ever been. Sophia really did love you, Devin."

"I loved her too..."

"Just not how she loved you..."

I just stood there in silence, looking down. She walked up and gave me a hug.

"I'm sorry..." I said, hugging her back.

"It's ok, Devin...I understand. You can't force something that's not there."

She let go and gave me an envelope with my name on it.

"Take care of yourself and be safe."

She walked away from me as Sophia's Dad gave me a cold stare.

"Are you happy now?!! She can't bother you anymore!!" He yelled at me as Mrs. Mills tried calming him down.

I just got in my car and left.

The next day, I held the letter Sophia wrote to me. I didn't want to read it, cause I didn't want to accept that she was gone.

The envelope said for Devin only....

I closed my bedroom door and opened it up.

I'm sorry for whatever I did to make you stop being my friend. It was so much going on and I handled my situation the best way I knew how. I love you Devin and although you're not speaking to me, that still hasn't changed. You have always been there for me, even when I put you in messed up situations. You never turned me away....I took that for granted and I'm sorry. Everyone has their limits, even you. I know that now...but it's too late and I've lost you for good. Just know that I always had good intentions....I miss you and will forever love you, even after I'm gone.

I felt tears run down my face...I could've saved her. Just one phone call or text, Sophia would still be here.

My mom walked in and shut the door behind her. She stood in front of me and I wrapped my arms around her waist, placing my head on her stomach.

"It's okay son, let it out."

She hugged me tight and I cried like a baby.