Kitten [18+] ✔️

Ch. 16 Part 1 - Victor

"Vic, are you even listening?"

Glancing up from my phone, Tamara looked... completely done. Fuck. "Sorry baby, just stressed about the project tomorrow."

I'd become better at lying the past month and a half, 'the project' easily taking the place of Kat in my excuses. And I was incredibly stressed about seeing her tomorrow, knowing I only had one hour for any real time to talk about last week.

After a bit of convincing, Kat had agreed to let me drive her home at the end of her shift. But only if we didn't leave the club together – apparently Elle would freak if she saw her leaving with a client. 

I wasn't sure I could even call myself a 'client' with Kat anymore. I'd never intended to let things get this far, I hadn't expected I'd end up feeling so much for her, it just... happened.

With everything we did last week, I thought Kat had really opened up to me. Trusted me. Just remembering the taste of her, the feel of her, had me stiffening in my jeans. Even Mara and I always used protection – not that we didn't trust each other, it was just to be safe.

Though, I'd understand her not trusting me now.

"Can you forget about work for two minutes and help me pick out what music to play?" she asked, looking particularly fed up as she turned her laptop towards me.

"Didn't we hire a DJ?" I asked, trying not to grimace at the list of tunes she'd already picked out. Our first dance was cheesy enough, and it looked like every over-the-top love song she could think of was on her playlist.

She huffed, rolling her nearly black eyes at me. "We still have to pick the music; she's just playing it."

Running my fingers through my hair, I looked closer at the list. "Don't you think one Ed Sheeran song is enough, babe?" I asked, scrolling through the incredibly sappy songs and feeling my heart drop further and further with each one. "We're already doing 'Perfect' for our first dance, and it's way overplayed at weddings."

"You weren't complaining when we picked it out," she huffed, crossing her arms over her chest. "If you hated it so much, you could have said something months ago."

Sighing, I fisted my hair in frustration. I knew I wasn't being fair to Mara, that I was nervous; I was angry at myself, and taking it out on her. Angry that she wasn't someone else. "I'm sorry baby, I didn't mean it like that," I murmured, meeting her concerned gaze as guilt gnawed at my chest.

This was the woman I'd loved for ten years, who'd been by my side since we were practically kids. We'd been together for so long that I didn't realize I wasn't really in love with her until Kat stepped into my life. 

And now, it felt like it was too late to walk away from her. Like I owed her this much at least for taking up so much of her time, so much of her life.

"Come here," I sighed, opening my arms and feeling like scum as she hugged herself to my chest, rubbing her back softly. "I just want you to be happy. This wedding stuff, it doesn't matter to me – but I know it matters to you."

"Do you think I don't want you to be happy too?" she asked, my stomach twisting as her voice wavered. "This is our big day, not just mine."

I don't deserve you.

Mara loved me. I knew that much, knew she wanted a future together, a family, something permanent. But the idea wasn't a comfort anymore, it only brought pain as I thought about how that future could keep me from Kat.

"You're right, Mara. I... I haven't been participating as much as I should. I'll try to be better." Even if I couldn't love her the way she deserved to be loved, I could try to make her happy. It was the least I could do as guilt burned in my chest for betraying the one person who'd always wanted me. "I'll see if I can leave early tomorrow, why don't we go out somewhere?"

The way her eyes lit up as she pulled away was painful, nodding my head at her excited "for real?" in resignation. Was I really neglecting her so much that just going out could make her so happy?

My thoughts trailed off as she started debating where she wanted to go, knowing I would have to cancel with Kat. Maybe it was for the best; I had no idea where we stood after last week, and watching her for 7 hours before figuring it out wasn't ideal. I'd have no idea if she wanted me to be there or not, she had to look like she was happy to see all of her 'customers'...

And I don't wanna know what she's been getting up to without me.

"You and I haven't gone clubbing in so long – Monday should be pretty chill for you though," she grinned, sending her a tired smile and pressing a kiss to her temple in return.

"Sounds good, Mara."

Canceling my 'appointment' with Kat had been harder than expected, but with effort I managed to get the message to her boss that I wouldn't be available this week.

The professional returned text stung – "of course; let us know when you have another opening" – but I couldn't let it get me down too much. It's not like Kat was sending it herself, and she probably wouldn't know why I wasn't going to be there.

Should I stop by after work, just to tell her? I couldn't contact her directly, but I knew where her place was. I could stop by before her shift... but she wouldn't want that. 

And frankly, I was afraid of what she would say if I came around uninvited, afraid she would turn me away after how intense things got last week. Afraid she didn't feel as strongly as I did.

I'll focus on Mara this week, think things over more, and talk to Kat next week when we have more time together...

---

This week's chapter is a double feature split between Kat and Victor's perspectives, Part 2 will be up within the hour!  

Current chapter theme contenders are:

We Don't Talk Anymore - Charlie Puth ft. Selena Gomez

Comment here if you've got any other suggestions!

Thank you for giving this story a chance, and remember to let me know your thoughts and opinions as we move forward together!