Kitten [18+] ✔️

Ch. 26 - Victor

Today for sure. I'll definitely call things off with Mara today.

Not that I had much more time if I was going to do it before the wedding. I'd tried to broach the subject a few times over the past two weeks, but things seemed to keep getting in the way. And it would be a lie to say I hadn't been putting it off, still trying to find an excuse that wouldn't hurt her too much. As it was, the truth would be too painful for her, and too shameful for me.

Good excuse or no, I can't put it off any longer.

"Vic, why aren't you ready yet? Our parents will be here any minute."

And I have our families to answer to.

Sighing as I looked up at her from my desk, my chest ached at the far-too familiar expression on her face. I'd seen it so many times when we'd hosted our families, the wrinkled brows worrying over tiny dinner details that never actually caused any issues.

Tonight though, she had good reason to worry, my stomach twisting with guilt. "Mara, there's something I've been meaning to talk to you about," I started, standing and holding her arms to get her attention.

"Can't it wait until you're dressed?" she clipped, the vague annoyance on her face transforming into concern and stabbing at my heart.

"It can't," I said, swallowing the lump in my throat as my pulse pounded in my ears. "I've been thinking a lot, and I tried to talk to you about it a few times this week..."

I knew I was stalling, putting it off as the pressure in my chest increased. I'd never broken up with anyone before - let alone broken an engagement - and I never expected it would be so difficult. But the guys were right; Mara deserved to move on, to find someone who wouldn't treat her like I have. Someone who'd be excited planning out a wedding and family with her, someone who really loves her.

Not someone who'll cheat on her.

"I don't think I'm ready to get married," I rushed out, knowing it wasn't the most convincing excuse, but I couldn't think of anything else that would spare her feelings.

"What do you mean? We've been planning this for so long – what's going on?" The hints of annoyance in her voice were starting to give way to panic, holding her arms steady despite knowing I had no right to try and calm her.

"Mara, you've been planning it; everyone's been planning it, for years," I stressed, my throat tightening as tears crept into her eyes. "I... I'm sorry. It's just, when I proposed, I-I felt like this was just what we were supposed to be doing. But I never wanted it, not the same way you do."

The feel of her trembling hands on my face was agonizing, wishing she would just slap me instead as she tried to smile. "Hey, I know it's a scary step to take, and things haven't been as... passionate lately." I flinched at that, taking her hands in mine and shaking my head as she continued. "But it'll all be better once we get through the wedding stress."

"It's not about stress, Mara. I shouldn't have let it go on for so long."

"Do you not love me anymore?" I grimaced at the desperation in her question, her wavering voice, holding her hands more tightly as her eyes started to glass over.

"Of course I do," I murmured through my own pain, hating myself for the tears running down her cheeks, for hurting this woman who'd stayed by my side for most of my life. "I care about you so much, but I... I want you to be happy, and I just don't think I can be the one to make you happy."

She was shaking her head now, vehemently, visibly distressed. "No, you do make me happy, Vic. We can work on this, we can fix it, it'll be okay..."