insomnia | e.jaeger

7 • avoidance

when you were younger, you were fascinated at the amount of sweet goods your grandmother could create just about whenever she felt like it. the amount of recipes she kept in a book on the kitchen counter were enough to feed you for a year.

around the time you had reached the age of four, she insisted you helped her in baking which you happily obliged. you grew up just always watching or being in her care as she baked so when she had finally asked for your help, you were delighted. even you got eggshells in the mix, poured too much flour, added more salt than sugar, she would simply smile and pat your head. mistakes were always made in the process of learning.

it wasn't until after her passing you had realized that she was a stress baker. of course when you were younger, you would have never noticed. but as you grew older, you realized that she was always stressed about your mothers whereabouts, your well-being, taking care of you and even her own declining health.

during your exams in high school, it dawned on you that you were a stress baker as well as countless of sweets that were made during your childhood scattered the kitchen. of course your family, especially the twins, did not mind at all.

and that's exactly what you were doing as you flipped over another chocolate chip pancake, your grandmother's book full of recipes out in front of you. what exactly were you stressed about? well for starters, you had another night of no sleep, you ignored your roommates when they stumbled into the dorm an hour after you got home, and you didn't know how to face mikasa.

sure eren said that she would understand, but what if she didn't? you also didn't know if she was truly over eren either despite their short lived relationship. and then you were stressed about being stressed about all this. there was no reason you should feel guilty about hanging out with eren seeing as you had no feelings of the sort for him... right? you shook her head to yourself, trying to rid of all the thoughts as you plated two pancakes for yourself and sat at the small dining table the dorm provided.

you ate in silence by yourself, your eyes checking the time on the microwave. 9:56am it read. you had work in an hour, a full eight hour shift. in a sense, you were glad seeing as you would be away from your dorm for the day but you dreaded it because you felt physically, emotionally and mentally exhausted. a small ping! sounded from your cell phone and you reluctantly pulled it out of your pocket.

you frowned at the message emi had sent you since she was spamming you about how the guy she was seeing finally asked her to be his girlfriend. you found it ironic that she entered a relationship just as soon as yours had ended. leaving her on read, you looked in the direction of sasha's room as she lazily walked into the living room. she was dressed in an oversized shirt, her hair a mess around her head and rubbing sleep out of her eyes.

"i never want to drink again." she grumbled, slumping into a chair across from you.

you slide a plate of pancakes over towards her and her eyes instantly lit up. you raised an eyebrow as she practically drowned them syrup. sasha took a huge bite, a noise of satisfaction falling out of her lips.

the girl took a swig of some chocolate milk you had poured for her before finally speaking. "we were worried about you last night. you suddenly disappeared but some blonde girl said that you had left with eren. she also said something about looking like you were crying?"

you pursed your lips, setting your fork down ever so slightly. "does mikasa know?"

sasha's face filled with confusion as she chewed. "yeah, why?"

"i-i gotta go to work." you stood abruptly, almost crashing into mikasa and annie who were entering the living room. their bedhead almost resembled sasha's yet was more tame.