Star boy: A ghetto top man's story. Book I

Chapter 5

We cannot control who and what we love, neither can we control when and how much we love them. We just have to learn how to control our reactions. That right there is the cheat to not getting hurt or caught up in tight situations.

As soon as I got home Star boy began to send me back-to-back messages. Men truly knew how to go after what they wanted. But with some, as soon as they got what they want they'll run to their next target. Men were masters of this game.

I could be wrong though because I think I understand a part of the situation with Star boy and his wife, I believe that when she got him right where she needed him, the excitement came to a halt. She stopped impressing him. That was a thing that I found weird with some married or women in long-term relationships; as soon as they think they have the man they stopped doing things to keep him even though a man that doesn't want to be kept cannot be kept.
Coming to think of it, in some cases, the blame for broken relationships must be shared 50/50 between both parties. Women should be blamed as much as men unless that man is narcissistic and only considers his own selfish needs.

Star boy: Today was amazing
Star boy: I wish we didn't have to leave
Star boy: I haven't felt this alive in years
Star boy: Thank you pretty genius.
Me: I had fun too
Me: Thank you for a great evening
Star boy: Would I be too pushy if I asked to see you again before the night ends?

I laughed to myself. This man was slick, at least, he thought he was.

Me: Oh no dear, another time
Star boy: Lol okay pretty, another time.
Star Boy: Have a good night
Me: You too dear

Is this man really into me? Where was his wife at this time, where did he find some much time to text me? He was risky and though I hate to admit it, I liked that about him.

What I grew to realize is that a lot of men are more attracted to me because of my brainpower. They tend to think they can capitalize off me. Some even bluntly admit that they would date me to have genius babies. I was a ghetto girl with a big brain. The men in my community found that very impressive while the women feel intimated by me and use my downfalls as rewards on their paths to feeling better about themselves.

My family sheltered me as a child and as I grew older I realized why. They knew how much the world could break persons like me. My grandmother use to say, "it's a dog-eat-dog world my dear" I didn't know what she meant then but now I see the clearer picture. I have friends who secretly hate me, some family who despised me thinking I was fortunate of some sort, little did they know that I too have struggled in ways I am too ashamed to talk about.

The world was indeed a dog-eat-dog world. You could have something and someone greedily yanks it away from you simply because they think they are more deserving of it.

If I should tell anyone of the way I feel about this married man they'll judge me and use it as an opportunity to show the world how imperfect I am. I hate the pressure that society puts on us girls with brains. People believe that because we are intelligent we are supposed to live a flawed free life.

I admit that Star boy is a married man but my body aches for him so much. How can something so wrong feel so right?  He touched my arm and I instantly felt electric waves run through my body. I have spent my entire life pleasing this world and all I got to show is judgment and hatred. My conscience ate at me for thinking like this but I cannot help but wonder what it would be like if I lay my guard down for this man.