CHEATING ON YOU | SJY

𝐬𝐢𝐱: distancing for good

i knew it wasn't much and i was completely sure he wouldn't even want to see me in his building, but i quickly prepared his favourite muffins and an apology letter he was supposed to read after work.

i didn't plan to stay for long after all.

it was already 5 p.m., i heard jungwon got off of work as well already.

this time, i got a visitor's I.D. and couldn't be happier about it.

the receptionist said jake wasn't busy, doing the usual paperwork in his office. i was relieved, maybe he could spare me at least a tiny bit of time.

and there he was, sitting on his chair and signing documents.

"hi.", i greeted. he looked up for a moment and scoffed: "look who came back."

"don't feel superior, i am not one of your employees you can control. i'm here to apologise for my behaviour earlier."

"i should apologise then, too.", he quickly stood up and took the bag i was holding. "muffins?" "your favourites."

"hyewon, you're not making it easy for me, are you?"

"huh?"

"i took the time and reflected on my behaviour towards you. the way i pull you closer, push you away afterwards and then coming back to you like nothing happened. yeah, you were right. i am toxic. but you can't deny you are too. everybody is toxic in some way."

"fair point."

"i think we shouldn't see each other for a while."

i gulped. honestly, i didn't know what i was expecting, but it definitely wasn't that.

"what?", i blurted out.

"hyewon, i don't think this can work out. you were right, we shouldn't have met that night, it was a mistake."

each word was like a stab in my heart. "jake, are you joking?", i scoffed, "we only had that argument today. i know you're upset, but i thought we wanted to fix things? i was starting to develop feelings again-"

"throw them away.", he spat.

"what has gotten into you?"

"common sense.", he sighed, "just.. ugh, i'm sorry. i feel like it wasn't worth it. starting over was wrong. i mean we broke up for a reason, right?"

"so you're pushing me away after all again." i could only laugh. this whole situation was ridiculous to me.

"now that i think about it, you were just using me, right?"

"hyewon, it's not like that."

"the gifts were meaningless, too. you just wanted me wrapped around your finger so you could strike anytime you want. i should have listened to heeseung."

words couldn't describe how disappointed and disgusted i was. jake's gaze softened when he saw me sobbing. i should be ashamed of myself.

he wanted to approach me, but i quickly left the office.

and for the first time in forever, i found myself crying like a fool. it's been a while since i let all my feelings out like that and it felt very good at some point.

you're a dumbass, look at you crying even though you knew it wouldn't end well.

didn't you learn from the first time? he's trouble, that one is simply trouble.

thinking about it made me just cry even harder. at this point, i actually believed heeseung was right and to think i defended jake in front of him made me feel even worse.

i didn't even know if he behaved like that because of what i said earlier. well, that was a heated situation.

maybe he was right. maybe i ruined it. he reassured he was into me and yet, i was pulling and pushing him like i had nothing better to do.

and the fact he did the same thing. maybe we were using each other.

———

"i can't believe you two actually yelled at each other.", sunghoon observed his glass of whiskey as he was sitting with jay and jake.

"she does have a point. you're both influencing each other, but i can't figure out whether it's in a good or bad way.", jay gulped down his shot.

"distancing for good, guys.", jake sighed, "i admit i was playing around. the fact that we slept together even though we were hella tipsy is such a red flag. the fact that i dragged her to a date and it ended up in her bed is another major red flag."

"don't forget you left her hanging after the date."

"i know. i was ashamed of myself, i wanted to make her fall for me again and yet-"

"you simply fell into each other's arms and fucked, just say it like that.", jay rolled his eyes.

"i have never seen you like that, jake. you literally fucked up big time."

"we're both just not good for each other. but i still like her."

"the question is: what makes you like her?"

jake came to a halt. he looked at sunghoon with a surprised expression. right, what made him like her?

jay frowned: "jake?"

"i.. uhm.."

"i can't believe this.", sunghoon scoffed, "don't tell me you only like her because of the pleasure she can give you. don't tell me you always say you like her and can't even answer why you do."

"and don't even begin with the: i like her personality."

jake put his glass down and ruffled through his hair. "listen, it's not like that. she's a fun person to be around with. i feel like she understands me without even communicating. and even when she said she didn't want to continue this whole thing, she tried to explain her side as nice as possible! hyewon makes me feel happy. because she's hyewon."

jay was leaning back and watched his friend next to him sigh, moving around and letting out frustrated groans. sunghoon also noticed how much it affected jake.

"i am such a jerk."