scars

Chapter four: Coffee and sunrises

My room was the nicest room I had seen in a long time, for the second time that day I smiled.

"I love it, thank you Alessandro." I said hugging him.

"I am going to go and talk with our brothers I will call you for dinner when its ready." Alessandro said closing my door behind him. I wasn't particularly bothered about what they were talking about so I decided to unpack some of my things.

I set my jacket and Alessandro's hoodie in my wardrobe along with my spare underwear, then I placed my books on my shelf.

My friend AJ once told me we accept the love we think we deserve, AJ's parents were a lot like mine expect he had his dad and an awful step mum Paula. Then his mum got custody of him so now he lives god knows where probably loving life, we never really had phones when he left so we couldn't exchange numbers.

AJ was an amazing person he helped me learn how to fight and I helped him with anything he needed he knew about my situation.

I sat on the floor of my room leaning against the door crying, not because of my brothers but because of the way my life turned out, I just wish my dad fought Maria for me rather than not caring about me.

My dad was more into teaching the boys to be boys than anything with me it didn't make me love him any less I actually think it made me more persistent in trying to win his love.

When Maria first changed with me I thought if I showed her unconditional love that she would realise her mistakes and return to how she used to be but after years of drugs and alcohol she never changed she just kept becoming evil.

About two hours after Alessandro went down stairs he knocked on my door.

"Ximena, tea is ready." He said smiling at me.

"I am just going to clean up be down in five minutes." I said waling towards the bathroom connected to my room and removed the makeup from on my face, it was warm enough that I wasn't going to need anymore layers so I headed down to the dining room. All of my brothers had sat down so I joined them sitting in the last chair between Santiago and Alessandro. I could feel the eyes on me, so I slowly looked up from my hands. They could see everything now the scars in all there detail the black eye Paul gave me last night, the fact that my nose is wonky and has clearly been broken and not set properly before.

"Since when did you have a black eye?" Santiago asked, he so far seemed like the neutral brother.

"Since last night when I was punched I just had makeup on it earlier." I said politely, I heard the rest of my brothers expect Alessandro laugh. I just kept my head down and ate the food on my plate.

"I am finished eating can I please go to my room?" I asked Alessandro after I had eaten half of the food that was on my plate.

"Is that all you are going to eat?" Carlos spat at me, I just nodded, I was not used to eating daily I was lucky if I even ate more than twice a week.

"Of course you can go upstairs, I will be up to talk to you once I have eaten." Alessandro said happily.

I went up to my room and remembered the times me and AJ ran away and skipped town for a couple of days, until Nigel found me. Nigel had to drag me home kicking and screaming.

I walked over to my back pack and grabbed my notebook and all of the pictures of me and AJ out of my bag. I used some of my blue tack from my bag to put them up on the walls, I was emptying my bag when I found the teddy I got the day Dante was born.

We had a tradition that when you became an older sibling you would get a gift off the child. The year Dante was born I got a pink pig teddy.

Maria used to hate that I kept it but after years of drug abuse she forgot that I was even her daughter towards the end of my time there.

I never had a particularly good experience with school but I graduated two years early due to being able to test out.

My job at the coffee shop was the only thing keeping me going. Alessandro and Santiago came upstairs to my room and where somewhat confused by the fact that I was sat on the floor but they had come in to basically apologise for the others behaviour.

"Alessandro do we have a gym?" I asked causing the two of them to look at me funny.

"Yes it downstairs and the back door of the kitchen if you go out there the gym is to your left." He said before leaving quietly with Santiago.

I slowly got up and grabbed my wraps from my bag before heading down to the gym and walking towards the punching bags.

I wrapped my hands and started to hit the bag repetitively, it was one of the few healthy coping mechanisms I had as well as running and playing the guitar but Maria sold my guitar when I was in juvie for the first time.

I don't really remember how long I was in the gym for, but the next thing I new the sunrise was happening so I went up to my room and changed out of my sweaty outfit into the only other outfit I had which I knew my brother wouldn't like but I had no other option.

Once I was changed I walked downstair and sat in the kitchen drinking a cup of coffee sat at the kitchen island.

"The coward dies a thousand deaths, the brave but one ."