scars

Chapter twenty one: non ducor duco (I am not led, I lead)

Disclaimer : I am not in a good mental state currently so this might come across as dark or paced weirdly but this is how I cope with my anxiety and feelings.

~ Emi :3
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Me and Ajax were just enjoying each other's company when the rest of my brothers seemingly decided to wake up.

We were all relaxing and eating breakfast when I heard my brothers arguing, I have no idea what they were arguing over but it was loud enough to make our that they were.

Santiago's Pov
"None of you understand, she will always struggle and yes we should do something but making a big deal would make it worse." I argued with Alessandro and Lorenzo they always go head first rather than thinking things through.

We had gone to Alessandro's office after breakfast to talk about Ximena's eating habits as the boys were suspicious about it.

"I have helped her this morning and given her some advice. Now you will leave Ximena alone, unless you want to face the consequences, Understood?" I said scaring all my brothers because they know just how bad it gets if you anger me.

I love my brothers but most of the time when they hear someone is struggling then they tend to get too much.

Ximena's Pov
Santiago is my favourite brother for obvious reasons but I would never want to piss him off.

He isn't the oldest of my brothers but he is the scariest.

That's why all of my tattoos have been covered with concealer or a jacket.

However when I was downstairs I saw all of my brothers looking at me funny.

"Is there something wrong?" I asked quietly, genuinely confused.

"Babe, tattoos." Ajax whispered.

"Shit!" I gasped shocked at my own stupidity.

^(Her outfit)^

I just sat at the table and started eating like it was the most normal thing.

"Ximena I would like to talk with you in private about recent events." Alessandro cut my thoughts short.

"Okay were should I meet you?" I asked.

"We shall talk in your room whenever you are done." He said sternly.

"Wish me luck." I whispered in Ajax's ear.

I walked to my room slowly dreading what Alessandro was going to say as I had only seen Santiago angry and that was barely anger compared to the look on Alessandro's face.

"Do you like looking like that! Do you think that look is going to get you jobs?" Alessandro shouted at me.

"You know what fuck you! These tattoos cover scars they each have a meaning and they also make me me. So scream at me all you want because you are just becoming more like Maria." I said calmly.

"What I am angry about most is that you covered them for months." He continued yelling.

"I hid them because I was scared of how you would react and clearly I was scared for a good reason. You are being a hypocrite you all have tattoos. My Medusa tattoo is a symbol of surviving sexual assault, The gun and rose on my arm is a symbol of my femininity but also the destruction I have caused, All three of my snake tattoos cover scars from juvie, Be brave is the last thing dad ever said to me, the black cat is a symbol of bad luck but means good things for me as the day before I met Ajax I was locked out and a black cat kept me company the whole night, the book is a nod to the fact I have always found comfort in books, our mafia symbol for the women of the mafia is there because I may not have known you until recently but I was always apart of this family, finally mr serotonin lend me a gram is a nod to my life long battle with mental health issues. So before you berate me about my tattoos think about why I have them." I said leaving his office.

When I make it downstairs my brothers apart from Santiago have all left along with Ajax who had a meeting.

"He is an idiot Ximena, I am sorry about the way he reacted he sometimes doesn't think about how it will affect you or your relationship." Santiago apologised and explained to me.

Me and Santiago decided to have a movie marathon.

The theme was childhood favourites we started with finding Nemo my favourite and then moved on to his favourite movies.

Eventually Carlos and Dante joined us and we watched their favourites as well.

Movies ended around one am so we all decided to get ready for bed.

I tossed and turned for hours trying to get to sleep before at four am I decided to go and see if I could sleep in Lorenzo's room.

I knocked on his door before opening it.

"Lorenzo?" I asked making sure he was in here.

"Are you okay Ximena?" Lorenzo grumbled tiredly.

"Can I sleep in your room tonight please?" I asked nervously.

He didn't respond but lifted his quilt for me to get in with him.

"What's the matter bug?" He asked me quietly.

"Alessandro, made a lot of childhood memories resurface today." I sighed as I cuddled into Lorenzo's body enjoying the warmth and comfort he created.

"He should not have shouted at you, but you know he is only protective of you. I personally think that you look more yourself with them but can I ask how you hid them." He said stroking my hair.

"Modeling tape that works like concealer squares, mine lasts up to three months and it started peeling off the night before so I just pulled it off thinking you all had an idea they were there." I explained trying not to fall asleep.

"Stop fighting sleep bug we can talk more in the morning." Lorenzo said continuing his calming actions.

"The coward dies a thousand deaths, the brave but one."