scars

Chapter eighteen: ranting

"Look I get it it's hard to recover from jaw surgery." Carlos shouted making me flinch.

"You don't get it Carlos jaw surgery is hard to recover from but so is living in constant fear that someone from my past will come and do something to harm you guys. I would continuously risk my own life for you because you are my blood. I have worked with therapists to try and help me but they all said I too much to handle: the child abuse, the fact I was used by my own mum from a young age, Maria would lash out if i spoke too much, I held two of my best friends while they died and that's only half of it. I am not scared to admit that I am fucked up, I hate myself and don't understand the fact that there are people who love me. So I know that recovery is a long road but it's frustrating to feel like the end goal is unreachable." I explained calmly while staring at Carlos.

Let me explain how we got to this point.

The morning had been rough for everyone we each had our reasons my reason was its the anniversary of Maria getting one of her friends to kill my best friend at the time.

My best friend at the time was our dog, Archie. Archie was the best boy ever but mum had decided he was too good for us. Her friend got rid of him.

I have always had a dream to get another dog and keep him with me.

The boys all just seemed frustrated with everything.

Carlos was losing his temper while trying to perfect a move so I tried to help him and he took that as me micromanaging him.

That's how we ended up having a massive argument.

Getting bored of arguing I decided to go to the local animal rescue centre. When I walked in, I felt at home.

"hola, ¿cómo puedo ayudarlo hoy? Está buscando adoptar un gato o un perro con nosotros hoy." The employee asked me. (hi how can i help you today you are looking to adopt a cat or dog with us today.)

" Estoy buscando para adoptar un perro por favor cualquier cosa menos un perro perdiguero sería genial." I explained. (I'm looking to adopt a dog please anything but a retriever would be great.)

The employee looked at me confused but then continued to show me to the dogs available for adoption.

My eyes landed on an adorable puppy it was a baby rottwieler.

I walked over to the same employee from before.

"estoy interesada en el cachorro rottweiler que tienes, estoy dispuesto a adoptarlo y llevármelo a casa hoy." I said smiling at her politely. (i am interested in the rottweiler puppy you have, i am willing to adopt and take it home with me today.)

She looked shocked by my choice but lead me to pick him up anyway.

"te lo puedes llevar hoy por el módico precio de veinte euros, por favor." She told me smiling and handed me a lead and collar for him. I gave her a smile and the twenty euro. (you can take it away with you today for the small price of twenty euros, please.)

I decided to drive to the local pet shop and get all the essentials for Bandit as the shelter had named him.

I wasn't sure how my brothers would react to my new baby but if they felt the need to question him then I will move out I have the money to anyway.

I drive home and walk in with my dog. When I walked in I saw my brothers sat watching something on tv.

There was no way I could hide this unless I pretended to be pregnant by shoving bandit in my hoodie there is no way I could do this.

I look at Bandit then back to my outfit where can I hide this child. My hood, my pocket, ahhhh this is not going to work.

I decided to just walk holding Bandit in my arms, my brothers turned to me. Shit.

"What is that?" Alessandro asked.

"I shall call him Squishy and he shall be mine and he shall be my Squishy. Come on, Squishy. Come on, little Squishy." I said skipping out the lounge.

Alessandro's Pov

Ximena walked in to the house carrying something in her arms so I asked her what it was.

She quoted dory in finding nemo.

I loooked to see if my brothers were as confused as me.

Lorenzo, Santiago and Dante were all laughing while Carlos was still pouting from their argument earlier.

Since her second surgery she been coping well apart from the occasional cry when she is frustrated or annoyed.

She still hasn't explained that night two months ago but we haven't asked her yet so we are both at fault.

I wanted her to be open with us about things rather than feeling that she needs to hide things from us like she did with Maria.

We all wanted to have a lazy night tonight so we made Ximena come downstairs.

This time her rottweiler, or her squishy in her arms.

She looked at peace with the world like she normally would when she is asleep.

Ximena's Pov

I walked downstairs still carrying Bandit as he was sleeping in my arms, I sat on the couch with my brothers.

Santiago fussed Bandit, smiling at the adorable nature of the puppy.

"Oh yeah guys this is Bandit my dog." I said smiling.

"Why did you get a dog?" Alessandro asked.

"Maria had my dog taken care of and now that I am free I was initially just going to look at the dogs at the shelter but I saw Bandit and knew I had to get him. Sorry for not asking first." I said looking at my brothers who looked furious.

"What do you mean taken care of?" Lorenzo asked.

"She had him killed him in front of me." I said bluntly.

"The coward dies a thousand deaths, the brave but one."