Laurel Love was at a standstill in her life. It was like she was stuck doing things that didn't matter. Nothing had meaning in her life anymore. Laurel wanted her luck to change. What she didn't know was that something was going to change her life i...
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The summer sun hangs in the afternoon blue sky, and I sip iced tea from the glass cup from inside. Warm air swirls around me as I rock on the front porch, staring out at the neighborhood around me. Inside the house, I can hear Molly and Vera playing together in the family room, and beyond that, Fiona's music softly plays from her open windows. Mom and Dad are doing something in the backyard, and when they went outside, I came out here. I didn't want to be stuck inside the suffocating house with my sisters any longer than I have to be.
My phone buzzes against the wooden rocking chair, but I don't bother checking it. I know it's either Jasper, Charlotte, Ray, or Schwoz, questioning me on when I will be back to work. It's been a few months since Henry and I went to Dr. Guienevere, and since then, I haven't been back to work. I haven't technically quit my job at Junk N' Stuff, but I'm not working there currently, either. Surprisingly, Ray hasn't fired me yet, but he is pretty unpredictable. I'm not sure if he'll do anything about it or if Henry told him to leave me alone. I'm not sure which one I'd rather have.
It's been a hard few months. That first week after our breakup, Henry and I avoided each other at all costs. It was hard avoiding each other at school since we shared two classes, but he managed to distract himself by talking to Jasper or other guys in the class while I slid down in my chair, trying to drown myself in my clothes. It didn't quite work as well as I wanted it to, but at least he left me alone. That was what I wanted in the first place, wasn't it? To be alone?
Tears prick my eyes, and I squeeze the end of the arms on the rocking chair, my knuckles turning a blinding white. I direct my eyes toward the pink painting in the sky. A bird carves its home out of the pink sky, and for a second there, I wish I was that bird, flying high above my problems instead of sinking below the pain. I stop rocking in the chair, feeling my heart thud in my chest, and it beats in time with the wings of the bird.
I may have wanted to be alone when all of this started, and I technically was, but now, I don't want that anymore. I want to be with my friends, I want to be with Henry, I want to be with my sisters. I don't want to be alone with my dangerous thoughts and feelings, which I'm susceptible to getting in my head and making everything worse for myself and everyone I love. I need distractions, and I need people around me. Maybe I need therapy because obviously relationships have not helped me much.
As the months went along, the pain was easier to bear. I remember the first few weeks of summer break when I didn't do anything besides stay in my room, binging a random show on Netflix about couples meeting for the first time at the altar. It was a great show, but I shouldn't have watched it because many of the couples reminded me of my relationship with Henry, and I wondered why my relationship didn't last with the one boy that made me feel like myself in a world of fakers.
The bird disappears from my sight, and I fall from the tall building of my emotions. Crashing back into my body, my soul aches at the sight of the blank sky, my hurting heart, and my confused feelings. I've never felt this way before, trapped in my own body, and I'm not sure if I can stop it now. It's been too long where I've been like this. I don't think I can change again.
