Cycle of Pain [Uchiha Itachi]

SPECIAL CHAPTER

[flashback]

"Uchiha Itachi died after fighting Hoshikagi Kisame." 

It was the news I have received from Kakashi after coming back from a mission. Mikoto was the first one to approach me after having a word about Kakashi - sending me the news. Lord Third and Lord Fugaku tried to console but stopped after seeing me accepting his death well. As if the intensity of his death wasn't that shocking or maybe I have myself prepared for his death. 

"Aki." Lord Fugaku called. We were the only man standing here at the cemetery, below the dark clouds and harsh raindrops. "It's okay, you can cry." He urged but I just shook my head. 

"I am tired, my lord." I said firmly. "I have myself cried before... because I know he'll die soon. Even with my interference, his death was inevitable." I added. 

I already prepared myself to cry but I didn't. My eyes have grown tired of shedding tears for Itachi. But I can't hide the fact that this is painful. And even after knowing the fact that this was our last and final life, I couldn't still grasp about it. I don't want to mourn hard because I promised him but it still hurts. What can I do? Hypnotize myself? 

"He died with honor." I heard the lord uttered with grief. 

"In this timeline, yes." It was thanks to my interference that Itachi didn't go rouge under the village's order. It was thanks to my memories that we didn't suffer hard like the last time. That we didn't have to go through harsh path again just to prove that our love was unconditional and pure. I was glad that I wouldn't experience to be thrown off the bush for everything, for the village and for Sasuke by him but a part of me keeps telling me that I should still be mad for just giving me up before... just like that. 

"Sometimes, just sometimes Aki. Itachi would talk to me and ask if you're doing fine. Even upon knowing that you two cut off your connections, I can't help but to feel bad as his father. I do understand that you two truly understand each other's choices but that fundamental understanding are what makes you... so painful." He said sadly. "Do you find it funny that of all people, I had the nerve to talk like this to you?" 

I released a soft chuckle, "Indeed funny but what you said was true. We are indeed painful. Forcing ourselves to believe that we could be happy by being apart. That we could avoid tragedies by not being together." Soon, tears started to well up on my eyes, making my vision blur. "When in reality, we are just saving ourselves. Fearing the harsh pain we felt before." 

"You were traumatized and that's understandable." He noted. "He loved you, Aki." 

"But that wasn't enough my lord." I cried. I just let myself cried in the presence of the Uchiha Clan's head. "I want to be mad, of all times, of all the lives I have lived... he threw me off for the sake of everything when I... when I have gathered everything for him. When I have done everything for him... he chose to die."

Exhausted, I tried to breathe slowly. Even though it's been years since our paths have crossed, our last goodbyes and interaction, it was still fresh for me. It's as if time didn't even moves forward or maybe time didn't want me to move forward. It was purely torture, relieving that night, relieving everything. 

"You chose to love my son. And my son is that kind of a person, Aki." 

"I know." I noted. "It's just it hurts a lot. Still - might I say. And now that he died... what should I do? I know I have promised him that I will live this life much as I please but now that I have to come to where the death is once again, I feel the light inside me faded."