Cycle of Pain [Uchiha Itachi]

SPECIAL CHAPTER

Dull, that was all I could perceived after waking up from the nightmare I have forgotten. A ray of light began to brighten the space that I am in. I do not understand where did all of my energies gone off but maybe it was all one big deception in the hopes of terrorizing myself even more. 

Before I even knew it, tranquility was replaced by agony that I was once familiar with. 

It's been weeks since we had found out that I am an infertile. Making me live in gloom once again but this time, with Kakashi. We both gave each other a cold shoulder, forcing ourselves not to interact with each other as a pre-caution that maybe one of us will soon snap. That soon the pain we're feeling will consume us and eventually suffocate us. 

I am more afraid of Kakashi. I know how tired he's feeling but to feel another pain was probably too much. And it was because of me that he's experiencing another. 

It's not an everyday news that you would hear a healthy and fine woman being an infertile. Tsunade explain a lot but I didn't listen. Got no time for science since I got no time to look for myself after hearing her news. 

Once again, I feel useless. I could feel Kakashi was drifting himself away. Isolating himself as he was scared he would hurt me since I tarnished his dreams. No nights have passed that I didn't cry for him, for his broken heart. And no days have passed I didn't say sorry to him because I feel like I'm a criminal, I robbed him his dreams. He could be happy with others, not with some chaotic woman like me. He must have regretted marrying me, detesting himself for loving me. 

"You have to eat." A voice outside the room was heard, interrupting my thoughts which I am thankful for. His voice was cold, and I could imagine his eyes icy eyes gazing on me. What a nice view. "Aki. Open the door." 

The watch strikes at 7 AM, by this time, he should be out and on his way to his office because he's a busy person. The village needs him more than a chaotic woman like me. He shouldn't have force himself to look on me. 

I forced myself to walk near the door. And even though I'm feeling vulnerable, I held the cold knob and twisted it to open it for my poor husband. My pitiful husband, is he still forcing himself to think that this was just a challenge? Naïve. He should understand by now that the life wasn't easy on me. He was now dragged by this mess. He knew it but why do I feel accountable for messing up with him? Why is it so painful when I thought I had enough receiving pain. 

Why is it always me to experience hell? I just wished to settle, not some cliché wishes. Just a stable life.

"I am sorry." As usual, I released the word on my own. He sighed and turn his back on me to get the tray of the food he prepared. "You have work." I reminded him and if my memory serves me right, today is the council meeting. He is needed there, I don't need him here. 

"For the love of God Aki, I am your husband!" He frustratingly said, throwing the tray towards the wall, making a loud sound of broken pieces. I didn't reacted because I anticipated this, the time will come, he'll snap. He needed this, he have to let it out. Keeping the pain inside him will only kill him. isolating yourself won't do any help nor concealing feelings. Bottling it up will just kill him and now that he's up to break it out, I am willing to accept everything. I deserves it when he did not. A pure soul like him shouldn't have experience any kind of pain. He's such a lovely and kindest soul that I, absentmindedly dragged on my path. Chaotic path - might I say.