Wounds of My Heart

21. Cigarettes

"Wanna watch it too?"

"Bet." Blake said sitting in the sofa next to me.

"I'm more of a Formula 1 guy, but football is fun, so let's fucking go." Roman sat on the other side of me as I turned on the tv.

"I like Formula 1 too." I told him gaining a surprised look from him.

"That's the sexiest thing I've ever heard." He dabbed me up as if I was his bro he hasn't seen for 5 years. "What team?" He asked and it felt like a lot depended in that answer.

"Ferrari, of course." I said confidently.

He immediately stood up and got closer to Jordan who was sitting in the bed next to the couch we were sitting.

"I'm extremely sorry to tell you this bro, but you have no chance. I mean have you fucking seen the Ferrari drivers? Those dudes got me questioning my sexuality and shit." Roman said looking at me as if waiting for me to agree.

I don't know what chance he is talking about, but he is not wrong about them being extremely good looking.

"Look them up and you'll see." He said using his finger to make emphasis before sitting besides me.

I was happy to have them watching the match of my favorite football team with me, even Jordan that didn't seem much interested, but he still watched it. I'm used to watch it alone so it felt nice to have company.

"By the way, who are we supporting the blue ones or red ones." Roman asked as the match started.

"The blue ones are my favorite team, Monte." I answered.

"Sucks, the red ones seem better."

"It's been one minute since the match started idiot." Blake said this time.

"And it's been one minute of the blue ones playing bad, your point?" Roman said giving an annoyed look to Blake.

A few minutes passed by and the game was getting interesting. My team scored and I screamed and Roman joined me.

"Let's fucking go blue ones I always believed in you." Roman high five me and I playfully rolled my eyes because he literally doubted them since the first minute.

The match ended and my team won, I was extremely happy and when I looked at Jordan I saw him already looking at me with a smirk in his face, I gave him a random thumbs up along with a smile and continued celebrating with Roman that was just as happy as me.

.

Sleeping next to someone else is a whole challenge for me, it doesn't matter who the person is I'll always be scared of making them uncomfortable or annoying them some way.

It makes me extremely self conscious of the way I'm breathing, if I'm moving too much, even if my heart is beating too fast that they can hear it or even feel it.

I hate it.

Being fair, my parents have complained before about how I never let them sleep when I've slept next to them.

This is also why I don't like sleepovers or anything that means that I'll have to sleep next to someone.

The thought of sleeping next to Jordan made me really nervous even though we have practically slept together hours ago in my bed, but I was never planning on it so it's different. Now that I'm aware my anxiety kicks in.

Roman and Blake were already asleep in their bed after a long day in six flags, being honest, it was a cool day.

Jordan started putting our pillow wall as we agreed while I laid in bed looking away from him to avoid the awkwardness. I was expecting him to lay down as well, but he never did, instead he headed to the balcony.