He Used to be Mine

Chapter 13:Loneliness Is a Bad Company

He is lonely most of the time.

Win knows how much damage grief can bring to a person. Alam niya because he experienced it first hand when his mother died. Pero ang hindi ine-expect ni Win ay kung papaano din siyang maapektuhan ng labis na pagdadalamhati ni Bright.

The next day after Mr. Mario Tan's cremation, okay naman ang lagay ni Bright. He resumed work and just like what Win promised Bright's mom, he stayed beside him. They were like married again, in the real sense of the word. Win would do his responsibilities as a doting husband, taking care of their son and doing some paperwork for Bright's office, at ang pag-aasikaso dito everytime he comes back home. Lahat naman ng gawain niya sa bahay lamang so he doesn't really need to be away from Nyle.

Ipinagpaliban na muna ni Win ang lahat ng tanong na meron siya about them. And in all honesty, what he wants to do now is just to support his husband. That made him feel a little scared because for the second time around, he's setting himself aside and prioritizing Bright again. Aaminin niyang natatakot siya, pero mas lamang ang kagustuhan niyang tulungan si Bright ngayon.

The first three days, Bright seemed okay. He would do the usual things. Kakain ng breakfast sa umaga and would head to work thereafter. He would usually call them sa bahay para kumustahin. May pagkakataon din na umuwi ito ng bahay para doon mananghalian. And since Nyle is starting school soon, busy din si Win to tutor him from time to time.

After three days, napansin ni Win ang pagiging malulungkutin ni Bright. He's been having moments by himself at the lanai. Kalimitang naroon ito at nagkakape o nagtsa-tsaa. Kapag lumalapit si Nyle dito ay yayakapin lamang nito ang anak at tahimik lang na ngingiti dito. Nakikipag-usap naman ito kay Nyle pero kalimitan ay sandali lamang. Napansin din ni Win that his headaches are back. There were moments that he would ask if he could just sleep kagaya ngayon. He would want sana to spend time with Bright and Nyle at the pool pero nag request if they can just stay in bed the whole day.

He's currently hugging Win habang nasa kabilang gilid naman ni Win si Nyle. Nakatulog na ito dahil din siguro sa mood na mayroon ang kwarto nila. Win didn't complain though because he's obviously enjoying the whole moment. But deep inside alam ni Win na dapat ay may gawin siya para kahit papaano ay malibang si Bright. Baka in denial lamang ito noong una about his dad's passing, and he's maybe starting to realize now that his dad's really gone, permanently.

"Bright, sure ka ba? You don't like to swim?" tanong ni Win kay Bright while he's rubbing his head.

Umungol lamang ito, indikasyon ng pag hindi. Then, he raised his head to look at him, "I'm okay here, with the both of you. This is more than enough. Kayo lang, okay na ako," he said, then he kissed Win after.

That seriously touched Win's heart. Pero troubled pa rin siya dahil hindi niya alam kung paano pipilitin itong kahit papaano ay maglibang naman. Win recalled his conversation with Bright's mom before she left just this morning, for a month long business meetings with their partner companies sa ibang bansa.

"I cannot say when my return will be, Win. Baka matagalan ako because magtatransition ang buong kumpanya. And I know that Bright cannot handle that that's why I am taking his place for those processes," panimula nito ng ipatawag si Win para kausapin.

"It's okay, mom. I'll be here naman. Ako po muna ang bahala kay Bright," sabi ni Win.

"I know. But I am worried. I'm sure by now napapansin mo na that he's not himself nowadays, right? I think masyado niyang iniisip ang daddy niya," nag-aalalang paliwanag nito. "At natatakot ako na baka kung anong gawin niya kapag masyado siyang nalungkot. Right now, alam kong ikaw at si Nyle lang ang motivation niya," she added.