He Used to be Mine

Chapter 14:One Last Time

He is gone but he used to be mine.

The pains that Win feels at the moment are like shots of fire climbing up his arms. Not to mention the physical pain that he's been trying to endure, too. Hindi niya alam kung alin ang mas hindi niya kayang tiisin: ang pagkawala ni Bright o ang hilong unting unting gumugupo sa katawan niya. He braved the pain though. He tried his best to stand from being seated on the bathroom floor. He threw up thrice already, at dumagdag sa sakit na nararamdaman niya ang mga hinalang nabubuo sa isip niya. Malakas ang pakiramdam ni Win na buntis siya.

Pinilit ni Win ang sariling tumayo at pigilan ang pagkahilo. He stopped when he once again felt the dizziness. He held onto his head and just tried to close his eyes. For the second time around, wala si Bright sa tabi niya para tulungan siyang pagdaanan ang pinagdadaanan sa ngayon.

Bakit palagi na lang ganito, Bright?

Tuwing kailangan kita, wala ka.

Saan ba ako nagkulang?

May hindi pa ba ako naibigay?

With each question, Win's mind becomes more settled with a decision - tapos na siya. Gusto na niya munang ipahinga ang sariling puso. Baka kailangan muna niya muling buuin ang sarili, muli para sa paparating na isa pang biyaya sa kanya.

Napagtagumpayan ni Win ang pagtayo mula sa pagkakalugmok. Kaya naman pala niya. Isa lang kasi ang kinatakot niya, ang hindi kayanin ang pagbangon para magpatuloy.

He walked his way to the cabinet and opened it. He took his bag and started getting his clothes and that of Nyle's. And with every piece of clothing he's packing, it's as if each piece of him is slowly being placed back kung saan ito nararapat na nakalagay.

When he was about to place Nyle's last shirt on the bag, napansin ni Win ang papel na nakatupi sa ilalim nito. He remembered what it was at that moment. Itinabi ni Win ang papel doon noon at nakalimutan na itong buksan at basahin. He took the paper, and read the letter from his father-in-law.

Win,

When you are ready to know the truth, open the safe in Bright's drawer. Use this passcode: 0221.

Thank you for coming back into Bright's life. Thank you for letting us get to know Nyle.

And an apology wouldn't be enough to make up para sa mga kasalanang sadya o di sinadyang gawin ng buong pamilya ko sa iyo.

But know that we did what we needed to do then.

My last wish is for Bright and you to spend a lifetime of love. Buuin niyo ang pamilya niyo because that's all that matters now more than ever.

Win didn't know if pain is playing games with him. Hindi niya maipaliwanag kung bakit sa mga minutong lumipas, sunod-sunod ang pagbayo ng sakit sa kanya. He feels like everything is just becoming too much to bear. And he's very much impressed with how he's handling it so far.

He followed the instruction of his father-in-law. He went to Bright's dresser and opened the safe using the passcode. It's his birthday. This is why the pain doubled, knowing that whatever is in that safe, Bright protected it with something about him. It's ironic that despite knowing that Bright uses his birthday as a passcode, the pain still won't go away.

Win's brows crossed nang makita niya ang lumang cellphone ni Bright. He remembered that phone clearly dahil may sticker siyang inilagay doon. Nang muli niyang makita si Bright at mapansing bago na ang phone nito noon, nanghinayang siya dahil kahit papaano'y inexpect niyang ililipat ni Bright ang sticker. Those were some of the moments that he longed for something more between them.