The head boy

Part 55 - Tom Tom Tom

I don't know if I feel offended, vexed, angry, furious, upset, lost. I mean, what was that? He jumped on me and sucked the soul out of my body and then suddenly he stopped it all?

And what about the 'I can't treat you like that' or whatever? Kiss me you douchebag, and shut up!

God! I'm so...SO...I don't fucking know!!

There are two possibilities, he either played with my feelings or he tried to play with my feelings and realised it was not a good thing but still left me like some piece of garbage in the end.

"Ida you look angry today," Tim notes and it takes everything in me not to glare at the poor boy.

"I'm fine, eat your cereal," I reply, coldly. HA! Sounds familiar? Like the Prince of ice? Antarctica man?? The living icicle??? Damn him and his sexy icy eyes!

"So he almost fucked you and then abruptly pulled away like you were some disgusting piece of garbage?" Kala makes sure, but like REALLY sure she understands.

"Thanks for adding some details. And yes, that's what happened," I say, sourly.

I haven't been this salty in such a long time, I don't let myself expect much from anything because it's the best way to avoid disappointment but with him I thought I could act differently, I thought we were different.

"You know Ida, I think it means that he respects you too much to take you like some random girl, I know he fucked up but in the end he acted like a gentleman," a part of me knows she's right and it's even more frustrating, he did the right thing.

But another part of me still hates him for being so cruel and stupid at the same time. He knows about my background with Richard, he knows I'm not the best at moving on, he knows me, or so I thought.

As I angrily shove a spoonful of cereal in my mouth the living icicle appears in the main cabin to enjoy a nice little breakfast before spending another day confusing people around him. I hate him so much. Mostly because seeing him makes this warmth spread from my stomach to every inch of my body, the goddamn butterflies.

I got reminded of what his kisses felt like and it's like smoking a cigarette after stopping for years, the craving comes back easily.

Our eyes meet and I instantly look away, this rollercoaster of hope and disappointment is killing me slowly. I feel his gaze on me as he stands still in the entrance and when he finally liberates me from his intense gaze I look at him again only to find him standing in front of me.

"Ida there is something I must say," he announces with a curt nod. He's informing me, he's not asking, he just expects me to say yes and follow him because why would I ever not do what he tells me to do?

"I'm busy, can't you see?" There's no goddamn way I'm following him anywhere.

He remains silent which is unexpected coming from him. I would've expected him to ask again with a more intimidating tone this time or take a grip of my arm and force me to follow him but instead he just stands still, in silence, defeated.

"Sorry, I'll let you finish," he says politely and I feel a tug in my heart as he leaves. I was harsh, wasn't I?

No, stop feeling guilty. What's the point of emotionally growing if I keep making the same mistakes? Stop feeling bad for giving back to people what they give to you, he hurt you, you don't have to feel guilty about being a little mean to him.

I'm just gonna spend a normal day and ignore him, it's not that hard, he's not the kind of guy who seeks attention so if you want to see him you need to look for him.

***

When I'm done with the drawing activity for the bear cubs, that's the name we give to those under eight years old, I exit the main cabin with Tim holding my right hand.