What He doesn't Know

What He Doesn't Know- chp 20

Chapter 20

Kalie stood in the archway for a long time simply staring at me with wide eyes. I was hoping against all else that she wouldn't have witnessed it but she did, the proof was on the floor beneath her. I walked over to her slowly. "Monkey . . .come here." I took her into my arms and could feel her shaking. How would I explain this to her. While I waited for the right words I drew her a bath, got a new pair of pyjamas for her  and afterwards I cleaned the urine off the floor.

I tried putting her back to bed. "Mommy can I stay out here with you?" She asked timidly.

I nodded then pulled her into my lap as I sat in the couch. Hopefully she would fall asleep without troubles. I spent the next half an hour talking random things until she fell asleep to the sound of my voice. I held her close and watched her sleep. Such innocence. . . why did he have to ruin it? I ended up staying there for the remainder of the night with Kalie in my hands watching as the scene played over and over in my mind. It wasn't so much the rape that held me, afterall I had encountered it many times on the job and had become almost immune, it was the betrayal. I foolishly allowed him to get as close as Richard had been and now I regretted it deeply. Maybe love itself was a mistake . . .

At the first light of day Kalie woke and looked around cautiously. There was no way that I would be able to pull the 'it was a dream' card. She didn't even sleep well either. For most of the time she kept mumbling and tossing with the occasional outburst.

"What do you want for breakfast Monkey?" She stared up at me but didn't respond. Her eyes looked hollow, completely devoid of any emotion. I walked over to her and sat next to her. "Listen Monkey, about last night-"

"It was Andrew." She said in a flat tone.

"What?" how could she know that?

"It was Andrew!" She said with more conviction as her voice went up a pitch. "I told you I didn't like him like Richard! I heard you talking then I came out of my room and I saw him! He hurt you mommy." She started crying. "I saw him hurting you and you were crying and- and he wouldn't stop."

"Oh Monkey, come here." I said as I pulled her into a hug. She hugged me and continued crying. It was then that I decided she was in no condition to go to school. In her state I wasn't sure whether she would kill Devon or break down crying infront of him and at the moment I couldn't decide which was worse. I would leave her with my mother and head off to work. "Do you want to stay with Grandma today?"

She shook her head. "I wanna stay with you . . . "

"Well I have to go to work."

"But he'll hurt you again!" She protested. I, however, knew just how unlikely it was that he would once he was sober. In theory the thought of going back to work after what happened last night should have been terrifying but after years of thickening my skin on the street corners I'd come to see it as a part of whatever job I did and learned to move on despite the fear. If I hadn't learned that Kalie and I would have died right after Charlie did.

"No he won't, don't worry, it will be where everyone can see and he's too much of a coward to do it then." She looked doubtfully at me. "Monkey I promise that it won't happen  again." I said with a smile. She didn't smile but she stopped protesting.

"Can I have eggs and bacon?"

"You can have the world." I said giving her a kiss.

Later when I arrived at the Office, after dropping Kalie off at my mom's, where mom clearly made her feelings of Kalie missing school apparent, I took my seat at my desk as usual. If I pretended that nothing happened then the day would move smoothly. At around 10 Andrew walked in, muttered a good morning then went into his office. I sighed inwardly. I guess he wasn't going to acknowledge that anything happened either.