SERENDIPITY | BOOK 1

T H I R T Y - S I X

Today's the day. I'm headed to the airport to fly home to watch Mara graduate next week. I've missed everyone a lot, missed a lot of milestones- Knox's first birthday being the biggest, but after Damien and I broke up I needed to get out of there.

I've been gone a year, to the day. While Mara was in the hospital, giving birth and having the best day of her life- I was packing up mine, and going through some of my worst days. I moved to France to start fresh. I started working on myself, and the mafia. I've grown a lot over the last year, and France has a special place in my heart- but it's time to go home.

I don't know if I'll stay in New York. I might come back. Maybe go somewhere else. But I know that when I walk through the doors at dad's house that it's going to be hard. It's going to be hard to look at the walls of the place where I had some of the best, and worst days of my life, and feel content to stay.

I know that I'll have to talk to him eventually, and I know that I'll have to tell him what I've done, but as Eziah drives me closer to the airport, I only wish that my seat could open up and swallow me whole, and take this burden off of my heart.

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I didn't tell anyone except dad that I was coming home today, and when I landed- I was relieved that he didn't tell anyone, and that he had come alone. He could tell that I was struggling, so after a quick hug and kiss- he helped me into the car and started the drive home.

Pulling up the driveway, everything looks the same- but also feels a little colder. Memories of him and I. The stolen glances, and quiet moments away from the world when no one knew about us.

It's been a year, but still hurts like it was yesterday.

Walking to the living room where I hear people chatting- I peek through the doorway and look at my family. They're all smiling and laughing, and watching Knox play on the floor with Stasia.

All of the Romanov's are here except for Damien, and I can't help but wonder why.

Did he know I was coming and didn't want to see me? That thought hurts more than I thought it would.

I enter the room quietly and it seems to draw everyone's attention but Mara's. I bring my finger up to my mouth in a "quiet" motion and continue to sneak up behind her.

Once I get close enough- I put my hands over her eyes, and her arms shoot up to grab my wrists. She giggles a little bit before speaking.

"I know its you Alexei. Come sit amore mio" (my love)

"Baby, I'm not touching you right now" he comments, flashing me a smile.

"You know Mara, I'd like to think I'm not that easy to forget" I say in a sarcastic tone. "I'm a little hurt if I'm being honest."

Mara freezes under me and removes her hands from my arms. "This better not be a joke. Alexei I swear to god, if you're playing a prank I'm gonna fucking kill you."

"I don't know what you're talking about моя любовь. Why would I play a prank on you?" Alexei asks as a small smile plays on his face. (my love)

I quickly decide I've had enough of waiting, and jump over the back of the couch into Mara's lap. "HOLY SHIT YOU'RE HERE. YOU'RE ACTUALLY FUCKING HERE" she screams when she sees me.

"I'M HOME BITCHESS" I yell with a laugh.

Mara and I wrap our arms around one another, holding on for dear life as we sway back and forth on the couch for a few minutes before I get up and hug everyone else. Sitting back down next to Mara, she grabs my hand as we all start to talk, and I catch everyone up on life in France.

About an hour later, we're all moving into the dining room for dinner and as we all take our seats, I can't help but stare at the highchair between Mara and Alexei's seats. As Alexei puts Knox in it, Mara catches my eyes from across the table and furrows her brow.

"Are you okay?" she mouths.

No, that's what I want to say. But instead- I force a smile and nod my head. "Of course" I mouth back. Our food is served, and as everyone starts their won conversations, I melt into my head and my own little world.

Knox's laugh cuts through the walls I've built up, and the sound is like a knife to my heart. The sound of a dream shattered, and a family lost.

I quickly excuse myself and head upstairs to my bedroom, closing and locking the door before heading into the bathroom. I spent an hour sitting on the floor of my shower, letting the hot water beat on my back before pulling myself up and getting out- throwing on the first thing I found and crawling into bed.

And, for the first time in over a decade- I cry.

I cry for the little girl who didn't have a family, but who always yearned for one.

I cry for the young woman who only ever knew the love of a best friend.

I cry for the woman who was destroyed by fate, and who's faith in God was beaten out of her.

I cry for the woman who lost the love of her life because she couldn't handle the love of another person.

And I cry for the woman who had to make an impossible choice.

I cried, and cried myself to exhaustion.

And it was only when I woke up the morning that I realized I was wearing Damien's shirt.