Love Grows Where His Camila Goes

53

53

Camila’s POV

I headed home while I was crying too hard. I shouldn’t cry because we had no relationship after all, but seeing him with another woman just sucks...

I carried the pain while walking towards the door of my house. I don’t care if they would see me crying, I just wanted to cry it out.

I bit my lower lip, trying to wipe my tears out of my eyes. Sumalubong sa akin si Yaya, Camile at Kuya Charles nang tuluyan akong pumasok sa bahay.

Camile’s eyes immediately widened as soon as she saw me entering the door. “Mommy! How was daddy? Did he ask for me?” She instantly greeted as she asked questions. And, immediately ran to me.

She was about to hug me when she saw me crying. “Mommy? Why are you crying?” Her eyes gotten soft when she asked. “Mommy, are you okay?” Her eyes began to water and her reaction got confused. Her brows furrowed.

My eyes furrowed and smiled bitterly at her. Yaya and Kuya Charles were both confused while looking at me. “I’ll be okay. I’ll be okay, Camile.” I held her shoulders. “I just need to rest, okay?” I muttered as I leave her in our living room.

Tango ang natanggap ko mula sa kaniya bago ko siya tuluyang iwanan para maglakad papunta sa kuwarto ko. Nanginginig kong hinawakan ang door knob ng pinto bago iyon binuksan at agad na napasandal sa may pinto habang nanghihina.

I had to cover my mouth to stifle a sob. It was so hard to cry without a noise. My blurry vision and blurred mind collaborates and I could not even think properly.

All I could think was choosing the right decision again and again. Malabo ang mata at nanginginig ang kamay na binuksan ko ang phone at pinindot ang phone call. Agad kong hinanap ang numero ni Denise at tinawagan iyon.

Wala pang isang minuto nang masagot na ang tawag. Nagsimula ulit akong humagulgol habang nakikinig siya sa kabilang linya. Walang nagsasalita at nananatiling tahimik ang linyang iyon.

I chuckled bitterly before talking with my trembling voice. “It does hurt. I thought it wouldn’t...” I stopped when I felt the pain on my chest. And, my voice started again to tremble. “But it hurts. It really hurts.” Humagulgol ako pagkatapos kong sabihin iyon.

Huminga ako nang malalim bago kagatin ang ibabang labi. Mahina lang ang boses ko, nanginginig pa. Sobrang dami kong gustong sabihin, gusto kong ilabas lahat ng nararamdaman ko.

Kinalma ko ang sarili ko, at pinunasan ang aking mga luha nang matapos ang ilang minutong paghihintay kong sagot mula kay Denise, pero hindi nag-iingay ang kabilang linya.

[ Why did you come home crying? ] I was stunned when I heard Charles’ soft voice. [ What happened to your heart again? ]

My lips parted to his question. I don’t know either, but I don’t want to know what’s happening in my heart again. I would never be ready for answers.

[ Answer me, Camila. ] His authoritative voice barely stunned me.

“I.. saw Sevann with another woman.” I sighed as I wiped my tears. “I saw how happy he was while looking at the woman. I know, there is no thing between me and Sevann, but the way he spoke to me those days just gave me hope..”

[ Had you concluded? Ask before you conclude. Dad told you that. ]

I had concluded.

I did not respond. Hindi ko alam kung tama ba ang maisasagot ko kay Kuya gayong magulo pa sa ngayon ang utak ko. Napapailing akong humagulgol. Hindi ko gustong maglabas ng kung anumang salita sa ngayon.

The call ended. Hindi na rin ako tinanong ni Kuya Charles tungkol sa bagay na iyon. Lumipas ang ilang araw at ginugol ko ang aking bawat mga oras sa pagtatrabaho at pagiging nanay kay Camile.

Aminin ko man o hindi ay naroon sa aking puso ang tahimik na paghihintay na tawagan o kausapin man lang ako ni Sevann. Tahimik akong naghihintay na kausapin niya ako na kung ano ang mali ngayong hindi na ako nagpaparamdam sa kaniya.

Nagtataka rin ako kung napapansin niya rin ba ang halos isang buwan ko nang pag–iwas sa kaniya simula nang makita ko siya roon sa may parking lot na may kasamang iba.

Tumaas ang tingin ko nang umagang iyon sa may labas ng bahay. Day off at napagpasyahan kong manatili na lamang ako sa bahay para makapaghinga at magkaroon ako ng oras kasama si Camile.

Nasa labas ako ng bahay at naroon sa hardin, nagdidilig ako ng ilang halamang napabayaan ko sa sobrang pagiging abala. Hindi ako nagpakita ng kahit anumang emosyon nang magtama ang tingin namin ni Sevann.

Kakababa niya lamang sa kaniyang sasakyan nang dumeretso agad ang tingin niya sa akin na nagdidilig naman ng halaman. Hindi ko alam, ngunit alam kong napansin niya ang hinanakit sa aking mga mata nang mag–iwas ako ng tingin.

Kahit na anong pagtatago ko ng emosyon o reaksyon, alam kong hindi ko mapipigilan ang bumabagabag sa aking damdamin at puso. Naroon pa rin ang napakaraming tanong na hanggang ngayon ay hindi pa nasasagot.

Pumasok ako sa aming tahanan matapos kong madiligan ang aking mga halaman. Agad akong napakapit sa hagdan nang makapasok ako at doon nagpakawala ng napakalalim na hininga. Tinalikuran ko siya nang parang wala lang.

Tumaas muli sa pangalawang pagkakataon ang tingin ko at sumalubong sa akin ang seryosong mukha ni Camile. Umaawang man ang labi ay tumingin ako kay Camile. Ngumiti ako sa kaniya at pinipilit na maging matamis ang isang iyon.

“Mommy...” mahina niyang anang. “Can I ask you?”

I held her tiny hands as I nodded to her. “Yes, anak. What is it?” naging banayad agad ang tono ko kahit na kinakabahan pa rin ako sa nangyari kanina.

She bit her lower lip as she pouted at me. “I hate seeing you cry, Mommy...” Her tears were immediately formed beside of her eyes. “Why did you go home crying that night, Mommy!”

I was too stunned to speak when she yelled at me with so much sadness, worries and confusion. Umawang ang labi ko nang magsimula nang tumulo ang mga luha niya. Namula agad ang kaniyang ilong at tainga.

I immediately embraced her as I caressed her back to make her calm. “Camile... Don’t cry, baby, please. I... was just tired of...” Your father’s lies. “I was just tired of my self that night, anak. Don’t be sad because of that. Mommy’s fine now, oh.” I smiled even though she couldn’t saw it.

Hinagod ko ang kaniyang likod. “I am sorry for making you worry about your Mommy. I am sorry...” nanginginig kong saad, bago siya yakapin nang may higpit.

“Mommy, naiipit po ako...” makulot na tono ang pagsasaad niya kaya natawa ako. Agad ko siyang hiniwalayan sa pagkakayakap. Pinunasan ko ang kaniyang mga luha nang marahan.

Ngumiti ako nang matamis sa kaniya. Matamis na ngiti rin ang sinukli niya sa akin. Hinaplos bigla ang puso ko sa ginawa niyang iyon.

She traced my eyebrows, down to my nose and lips. I closed my eyes to feel her touches. “Don’t make me worry again about you, Mommy.”

&.&