Aanya
As I stepped out of the bookstore, my vision blurred with tears, and my heart pounded loudly in my ears.
The world around me seemed to melt, and I felt hot and sweaty, longing to submerge myself in cold water to soothe the turmoil within. I struggled to take deep breaths, but each inhalation was sharp and shallow.
Despite my unsteady legs, I kept walking, knowing that the situation was only going to worsen with each passing second. The home was just ten minutes away, and I yearned for the comfort of my room, my safe haven where I could hide my vulnerability from the world.
I'm happy, I'm alive, I'm loved.
People passing by glanced at me with mixed emotions, curiosity, and sympathy evident in their eyes. Yet, no one offered to help, and I continued dragging my feet forward.
My body felt heavy, but I pushed on, my apartment finally coming into view.
A crushing pain tightened my chest, and I knew I couldn't hold on much longer. With trembling hands, I fumbled through my bag for the key, but it seemed to elude me.
I emptied the contents of my bag on the floor, desperately searching for the small key amid the scattered items, my mind racing like a wild storm.
Finally, I spotted it lying near my hand, and with relief, I unlocked the door. I left the scattered contents where they lay by the foyer, too drained to tidy up. Rushing into my room, I switched on the fan, hoping to dissipate the suffocating atmosphere.
I fumbled for the other key, hidden beneath the mattress, and unlocked the nightstand drawer, searching for my medicine.
I opened the drawer after months, thinking I would never have to take those bitter pills again, but I was so wrong. The sight of the dark brown bottle filled with pale white pills greeted me, and without a second thought, I swallowed two hastily, not even bothering to check the expiration date.
The chaos inside drained me of all my energy, causing my legs to give in, and I collapsed onto the bed. Closing my eyes, I tried to lie still for a moment, but memories flooded my mind, preventing me from finding any peace.
Sitting up on the bed, I curled my knees to my chest and stared blankly at the spinning fan on the ceiling. Inhaling deeply, I focused on my breath, desperately trying to calm the tremors in my heart and push away the darkness that threatened to consume me.
"I'm happy. I'm alive. I'm loved," I whispered to myself, repeating the mantra like a lifeline. I reminded myself that I had made it through the darkest phase of my life, that I was strong and could conquer anything.
But my body felt numb, and I needed to feel something, anything. I wrapped my arms tightly around myself and dug my fingers into the inner side of my forearms, trying to create sensations to pierce through the emotional void
My grip was so tight that my nails punctured my skin, leaving new bruises over the old ones.
"I'm happy. I'm alive. I'm loved," I chanted again, trying to hold onto the fragments of stability that remained. Frozen and paralyzed, I felt the fear creeping in.
Would I be able to make it through this time? I had buried my feelings, thinking they would never resurface, but today proved otherwise.
The intensity of their return was overwhelming, and I questioned my ability to face them when they resurfaced with full force.
I lost track of time as I remained in that state, trembling and wrestling with my emotions. Eventually, my body began to move again, and my tear-filled eyes opened. My throat burned from suppressing sobs, and my trembling hand tried to soothe the pain in my chest.
YOU ARE READING
Give Me All Your Pain
Romance"To all people out there, whose trauma made them feel like they are hard to love." This book is for you. Abhinav, an orphan turned self-made billionaire, has always led a life without expressing any emotions due to his condition called Alexithymia...
