Abhinav
I idly flipped the pen between my fingers, my gaze fixed on the leather-bound journal resting atop the polished wooden table before me.
The diary held a certain weight – not just in its physical form but also in the suggestion it represented. Only a quarter of its pages were marked, a testament to my resistance in adhering to my psychiatrist's suggestion.
It was difficult to fathom how jotting down thoughts could untangle the labyrinth within my mind.
My psychiatrist's advice lingered, a persistent echo in my thoughts. "Write it down, let the thoughts flow. It might bring clarity."
And yet, I remained stubborn, resisting the pull of the pen against the stark pages.
It was easier to dismiss it as a waste of time, to hide behind skepticism and avoid exposing my thoughts to myself, let alone to anyone else.
A sigh escaped me, the pen coming to a still between my fingers.
I shifted my gaze back to the emotion sensation wheel displayed on my laptop screen, a tool my psychiatrist had introduced to aid in the intricate process of understanding and labeling my emotions.
My eyes focused on the outer rim of the wheel, where the descriptions of the physical sensations associated with each emotion were listed.
I tried to match my own body's reaction and sensation with this emotion sensation wheel to seek some clarity.
I could feel my jaw tense up, and my muscles were clenched, causing a headache and my heart to race. These were clear signs that I was not only irritated and aggressive but also emotionally distant on a deeper level.
Satyam, who had a talent for picking up on my unspoken signals, pointed out that I had been scowling more often than usual, which indicated a sense of hatred. Looking at an emotion sensation wheel, I realized that all these physical sensations were linked to feelings that stem from anger.
But it wasn't anything new. I usually feel angry twenty-four hours a day.
Shifting my gaze to the opposite side of the wheel, I picked up on the foot tapping I had been doing just a moment ago. It was a sign that I was feeling anxious. Then I looked down to the bottom of the wheel, where I read that a heaviness in my chest meant I was feeling lonely. A hollow feeling and overwhelming tiredness pointed to depression.
With a frustrated sigh, I closed my laptop, putting an end to this exercise. I was done with this nonsense.
It seemed like this emotion sensation wheel was just plain useless.
I heard a gentle knock at the door, and after a brief moment, Satyam entered the room. He paused by the entrance, not stepping forward, a black folder nestled in his arm.
He seemed uneasy, his feet tapping restlessly on the floor. It was clear he was feeling anxious, much like what I had read about on that wheel just a moment ago.
"Did you mess something up?" I questioned, noticing how he stayed near the door as if he feared getting closer to me as I might hurt him.
Maybe I would if he had done something foolish or careless.
"No," he responded, his voice wavering slightly.
"Then why are you still lingering by the door?" I inquired, my tone steady, wanting him to explain his apprehension.
Satyam cleared his throat; his discomfort was evident. "Actually, there's a slight issue."
"And what might that be?" I asked calmly.
YOU ARE READING
Give Me All Your Pain
Romance"To all people out there, whose trauma made them feel like they are hard to love." This book is for you. Abhinav, an orphan turned self-made billionaire, has always led a life without expressing any emotions due to his condition called Alexithymia...
