Give Me All Your Pain

1.Sense of belonging

Aanya

They say our feelings and emotions are inherently ours, but can we really exert complete control over what we feel?

After all, our experiences, thoughts, and, most importantly, our emotions are often deeply influenced by the actions and words of those around us.

I released another sigh of relief as I took in the freshly calm air with that hint of an earthy aroma.

It had rained yesterday, so it was still present in the air... the fragrance of homeliness.

I was sitting on my usual spot, or I wouldn't be wrong if I said my bench because it was never occupied by anyone, maybe because it was placed at the most isolated spot.

The bench was typical of the park, an iron structure coated with dark green color that blended perfectly with its surroundings. From my vantage point on the bench, I had a panoramic view of the entire park.

I watched as people strolled leisurely along the winding paths, their conversations and laughter drifting through the air. Children played with boundless energy, their innocent laughter filling the park with infectious joy.

It was fascinating to observe the interactions and dynamics of the people around me. From my secluded spot, I felt like a silent observer of life's intricate tapestry.

I liked the anonymity it offered, granting me the freedom to watch without being noticed.

But it wasn't just the people that captivated my attention. The vibrant colors of the blooming flowers caught my eye, adding bursts of beauty to the landscape. The trees, standing tall and proud, provided shade and shelter to both humans and creatures alike.

The grass beneath my feet seemed to sway in sync with the rhythm of nature, as if in a silent dance of its own.

I found solace in this place, it gave me a sense of connectedness, a reminder that I was part of a greater whole.

Despite being physically alone on the bench, I felt a quiet camaraderie with the world around me.

With time this special spot had become a sanctuary of contemplation and reflection, where I could immerse myself in the beauty of the park, finding inspiration and a renewed sense of belonging.

These days I was yearning for a moment of respite, a chance to sit alone with my thoughts and unravel the complexities that weighed on my mind.

Throughout the day, I kept up the pretense, hiding my true feelings behind a façade of positivity. I laughed when others laughed, and I joined in on discussions as if I didn't have a care in the world.

But as the day wore on, the weight of my act became heavier. My heart ached with the burden of keeping up appearances, and I found myself retreating into moments of solitude, running away to isolated places to take a deep breath and compose myself.

It was as if I was wearing a disguise, trying to fit into a role that didn't align with my true self. On the outside, I appeared composed and confident, but on the inside, a storm of self-doubt and insecurity raged.

I was feeling like an imposter.

The weight of weariness pressed down on my shoulders like an impenetrable darkness, suffocating the light from my world. Each step felt like a burden, and even the simplest tasks seemed insurmountable.

It felt like I was trapped in an unending cycle of fatigue and despair. Each day blurred into the next, and I questioned whether anything would ever change.

The future seemed uncertain and shrouded in shadows, leaving me feeling adrift in an ocean of uncertainty.

Slowly, I was getting tired of living.