I Hate Ladybug (Miraculous Ladybug Fanfiction)

looking through a window

"Why won't you guys just trust me!" Marrinette yelled as she stomped up the stairs... she knew why- the amount of times that she'd arrived home late or her parents had come to find her room empty in the middle of the night without so much as an explanation the next day. She didn't know what they were assuming she was doing but it was obvious they didn't think it was good... and she couldn't blame them. She knew how it looked.

Sometimes marinette felt like she was watching herself through a window... watching herself go to school, sneak out, fight with her parents and her friends... she knew what she looked like... and it wasn't pretty.

She didn't want to yell at them- she never did. But being defensive or straight up lying were the only things she could do short of revealing her identity- which, when she thought about it would probably give them far more grief than whatever assumptions they had come too ever could.
The problem was her lies weren't working anymore. The trust she had spent years building up with them had seemingly vanished over night. So she was now forced to result to screaming and yelling their growing suspicions away.

Marinette shut the trap door to her room, letting it drop the last few inches and allowing its loud thump to call out. She fell back into her chair and rolled it over to her desk- sighing and sinking out of her good posture.

She wished she could be mad or upset right now... like any other teen after a fight with their parents but she wasn't... her entire body just filled with guilt that rippled throughout her skin- a constant pulse that reminded her of her shame. Everytime she walked through the front door she was forced to put on an act- calculating every word and reaction to perfectly ruin her reputation but save her identity.

She flicked through her notepad looking for the homework she was assigned earlier in the week which was by now very overdue. Ms bustier had been becoming far less lenient with marrinette and was beginning to get frustrated with the students lack of effort and clear disinterest in the class- taking it as a sign of disrespect... it might not of helped that marinette encouraged that interpretation... she couldn't exactly allow her teacher to know the real reason she turned in her assignments late and slept through her lessons... so it seemed like an obvious out.

Marrinette smacked her head onto the desk- the force was so sudden and extreme that it caused her pencil case to tip over and the contents to fly across the desk and floor. Marrinette sighed as she peaked side ways at the mess she created-  her head still firmly planted on the table. She pushed herself up and rubbed the now red mark in the centre of her forehead as she began collecting the equipment.

She couldn't stop think about how she was becoming everything she loathed... manipulative, aggressive, problematic... a liar...
Marinette slamed her head back down on the table.

She was becoming like Lila.

Marinette kept repeating to herself justifications but internally a voice kept screaming at her. When had things gotten this bad? No. When had she gotten this bad? When did marrinette start living ladybugs life and problems with and without the mask... where had the divide gone? 

Tiki had flown off- seemingly unbothered by her owners- by now- nightly internalised arguments. And that suited marrinette perfectly fine. She didn't want to talk to tiki right now- she didn't want to talk to anyone just for a few minutes she wanted nothing more than to sit there and feel bad...

But a few minutes were all hawkmoth needed. So marrinette straightened herself up in her chair looked at the wall and smiled untill she fooled herself out of her emotions.