I Hate Ladybug (Miraculous Ladybug Fanfiction)

a new ladybug

Adrian knocked at the door. Having completely ditched his body guard after the school bell rang and probably leaving him completely and utterly terrified. He stood a half inch from the door awkwardly, waiting for some sort of sign. But there was nothing. Not a single sound coming from the room. Adrian turned his head back towards anarka who gave a comforting smile as she cautiously watched.
Adrian turned back towards the door and knocked again, this time a barely audible mumbled reply passed through the door. Adrian placed his hand on the door nob. Carefully turning it pushing it open.

Luka was sat at his desk though nothing was in front of him, he had earphones in which wasn't unusual for him though rather than wondering how luka hadn't gone deaf from how loud he'd listen like he usually would... this time adrian couldn't hear anything coming from the earphones at all.

Luka had sad dark circles under his eyes that seemed to be permanently stored up with tears though Adrian had never seen luka cry. He had a dark hoodie, his hands pulling down the sleeves despite the warmth of the summer sun creeping in through his desk window. His hair was so over grown, falling below his shoulders. his blue streaks had faded away and he was left with un awkward sea sick green. His room had become a complete mess with clothes scattered across the floor and plates of barely touched meals covering any ingredients you could even vaguely consider a flat surface. Luka looked up at me, for a moment he looked lost then there was a glimpse of recognition before he smiled sadly at me, the corners of his eyes crinkly up just like marrinette's would have.

"Hey..." I mumbled to him, not sure exactly how he'd feel seeing me

"Hey"

I scratched my arm, thinking of what I should say...
"How are you doing?" It was a cliche and painfully apparent question to ask.

"Good" he lied. I'd never seen luka lie before atleast not that I'd ever caught onto but by looking in his eyes I could tell he was trying just as much not to upset me as I was him. "And you?"

"Honestly? Terrible" it's moments like this that the truth is really hard to say even if the words themselves are simple but I had to speak with luka... and we had to be honest with one another.

Luka blinked a few times
"Yeah... me too" his words falling into the safety net I had cast in my confession.

I walked into his room and sat on the floor leaning against the bed.

"I miss her" I mumbled.

Luka looked away, his eyes dropping down to his hands as he played with the cuff of his sleeve.

"And its like I'm not allowed to miss her either... she's 'the bad guy'... it like the whole world is mad at me every time I mourn her" I whispered

Luka looked up at me. His lips pursed together, running his fingers through his tangled and oily hair. He slipped off his chair and onto the ground aside me. He pulled his legs up to his chest and dug his head into his knees.

"I know exactly how you feel. My school..." luka started to say his voice was soft and every word was broken up with an infinite millisecond of silence.

I looked over to him, placing my hand on his shoulder.

"My classmates celebrated her suicide..." Luka pressed his hand against his mouth and continued to speak with a muffled voice. "My teachers... made ladybugs death a English topic.... I... I had to sit through 28 students read out essays about how  selfish, evil and.... and ugly marrinette was..."

Luka bit the skin of his hand and he shut his eyes tightly.
"They all acted like they knew her... like they knew what kind of person she was... they acted like they'd never done anything wrong! So ready to cast the first stone yet they have all been akumatized at least twice!... Adrian... one of them looked right at me... he looked right at me as he said "She was an attention wh*re that should have killed herself sooner." And ya know what? They was applauded! All of them." Lukas fist tensed as he knawed at the skin of his knuckle.

I looked at him... I didn't know what to say... would anyone?

"All of our friends... her friends... they hate her... they don't remember her at all they just remember all the lies." I muttered. My teeth gritted there was no point in comforting each other... but it was nice to be around someone else that loved her.

Loved her...

Did I?

No. Well ofcourse I cared about her... but loved? No... I loved ladybug... and she.... she loved luka even after they broke up... I'm sure of it.

"She didn't deserve this" luka hissed " she didn't deserve any of this! She was to good for this! All this hate and pain... and... saddness" luka buried his face even further into his hoodie his teeth clamping down on his hand between each thought, little dots of blood started to pool around his teeth.

"Saddness?" I ask. I wasn't sure I quite understood what he meant but it still felt like it made sense.

"Yeah" luka chuckled sadly "she'd be p*ssed if she saw us like this, ya know?"

I thought for a moment. And he was right
... I could see her running up yelling at me if she ever saw me crying over her death. Her face would be bright red and her eyes would be narrowed and despite her attempt to look intimdating she looked so beaut- I mean... unintimidating.  which if I told I'm sure would only anger her more ...

I smiled.

"I keep thinking about that... about how she'd wouldn't want me to feel so... sad for her... she'd hate it. " luka muttered "I tried to ignore it... wait for the pain to go away... I've waited and waited but it won't leave me. I did what all thoes Wikipedias said and I  tried to remember the 'good times'... but they all just... make me miss her more... and you know what I've landed on? The only way to not be sad for her?" Luka paused his eyes wide.

"What?"

"I'm gonna be mad at her" luka whispered.

"What?!" I asked. I was so confused... was he falling victim to the lies and hatred like everyone else?

"Yeah. I've realised I'm really REALLY mad at marrinette! She is selfish! She is so selfish!" He gritted his teeth, a strand of his hair falling infront of his face from behind his ear.

"She didn't mean to hurt lady-" I started to defend her

"Why didn't she talk to me?" Luka begged to the air infront of him "she could have told me anything! I could have helped her before she got akumatized!" His eyes glossed over and tears rolled down his cheek falling onto the open bite mark on his hand.

I looked at him... what could I say? It was true... she didn't talk to me either.

"And why would she kill herself! She should have waited for me! I had seen the news! Adrian... I was running towards her... I was there. I was there.... I was just.... I was just too late to save her." Lukas fingers curled around his arm. "And it was so selfish she that she used chat noir to do it... she used his power! His hand! He was the one that had to..."

He knew... luka knew exactly how I felt... he saw it... he felt the same pain... he felt the same guilt... but he shouldn't have... he's not a hero... it wasn't his job to save her...

It was mine.

"And the worst part is I had to say good bye to an empty box! She cataclysmed herself Adrian... she left nothing of herself to say good bye too.... she left nothing." Luka whispered " she is so selfish.... she is so..."

Lukas words trailed off, his hands thrown to his head, pulling at his hair.

"How could she do this to us?" Luka whispered.

I through my arms around luka, pulling him into a hug.

"Because she was selfless."