Daddy Issues

38. I Love You, Only You

"How about a shower?" Lucius offered, holding his hand out for mine.

I nodded and took his hand, stepping off of the bed and following him to his bathroom. The image of him and Narcissa having sex on top of me wouldn't stop replaying in my head, and as fun as it was, it kind of hurt.

It's just a reminder of the fact that the man I'm so unfortunately in love with is already married with a kid. A kid whom happens to be my best friend.

This entire situation is fucked, and I don't know how I should feel about it. Narcissa has been mostly kind to me, but there's just something about her now that seems off. The fact that she interfered with the letters that Lucius wrote me, and waited to say anything about it until this moment didn't sit right with me. Not to mention the fact that she's practically the one who came onto me, then proceeded to shoot all of the blame onto me.

I didn't even realize what I was doing with her until it was done and over with. Just a desperate attempt to fill the void from Lucius. Nothing more.

"Can I ask you something?" I shyly questioned Lucius as he turned the water on to warm it up.

"Anything, love," he sweetly responded, pacing back over to where I rested near the counter.

"Aren't you upset that Narcissa was the one who took the letters?" I curiously asked, just needing some reassurance from him.

"I am, but I'm really not surprised if we're being honest here," he answered truthfully, "But at least you can read them now, if that's truly what you wanted."

"Well, of course I want to read them, Lucius. It just seems...weird that she held onto them for so long and waited until now to say anything," I further explained, unsure about how to feel.

"Narcissa is a...she's a calculated woman." he answered dryly, not showing me the energy I'm used to receiving from him.

I hated how clingy I felt to Lucius, but the nagging feeling of his relationship with her made my stomach churn.

"Come on, I'm sure the water is ready by now," he changed the subject, placing his hand on the back of my shoulder.

I quietly nodded and led us inside, already relaxing from the warmth of the water. Lucius was pretty quiet as well, mindlessly running his hands through his now wet hair as his eyes were shut.

"Do you love her?" I blurted out, taking myself by surprise with my random question.

Lucius opened his eyes and looked at me, scrunching his eyebrows and tiling his head a bit.

"That's a tricky question, Y/N. She's the mother of my child, so in some ways—yes, I do love her. But not in the way that you're worried about," Lucius explained, although I still didn't feel the assurance I so badly seeked.

"She was kind of right..." I continued, feeling myself fall down a pit of despair and insecurity.

"Right? About what?" Lucius asked, coming up behind me and squirting some of his shampoo into my hair.

"I'm nothing but an affair, Lucius," my heart sank as I spoke, finally coming to terms with the reality of my relationship with him.

Lucius dryly chuckled and massaged the soap into my scalp.

"Why are you laughing?" my tone came off as offended and slightly worried.

"She's jealous of you, my love," Lucius's voice dripped with amusement as he gently turned me around to rinse my hair under one of the faucets, "I want you to read those letters after we're done here. The same ones she managed to get her hands on and read. I'm actually quite surprised she didn't make a huge deal about it because it's clear that I've never thought of her the way I think of you."