The Boy I Knew

16. Far From Home

A/N: Hey, guys! I wanted to mention that the chapter title was taken directly from one of the songs I listened to while writing this by FFDP. You can find it, and others, on the playlist I made in my bio!

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It was a dream. It had all been a dream. While you don't remember anything from the night before, you were still alive in the middle of a field of wildflowers. The rain had woken you up and everything was groggy. You didn't know how you got here, and you didn't know when, but you were alive.

That had to account for something, right? Silhouettes of people laid heavy in the back of your mind like memories you couldn't quite reach. What you did remember was sneaking away from where Zeke made you stay: a building filled with Warrior candidates and military personnel. It had been a bitch to get, but you did.

Standing, you brushed off any dirt from your clothes. Out of habit, your hand flew to your neck, to check for the necklace. Grateful that it was still there, you stood around looking for any sign of a path or way out of the meadow.

Deciding to circle the area, you took your time. While you weren't in any pain, the amnesia you had was hard to push through. With not much of the morning light to guide you, you managed to trip and roll your ankle after stepping into a hole. Cursing under your breath, you reached out to push yourself back up. Beneath your hands, you noticed that there was a rather large dip in the ground where you tripped. You wouldn't have thought much of it, if the ground around it didn't seem flat.

Pushing yourself the rest of the way up and finding a tree to lean up against, you were able to make out the imprint of a... foot? Anxiety at the thought of titans being nearby welled in your chest, forcing you to swallow any noise you might make. From what you could tell, the foot print headed into the meadow, so you followed them in case that the titan was there with you.

Every ten to fifteen feet or so, you'd find a new print, slowly becoming deeper than the last. Just as the trees broke, they had become further apart like it had been running. In the distance, you could see mountains with houses littering them, but one stood out in particular: the Tybur Estate. It was well off in the distance, but you had been there enough times to recognize it. Lights dotted around it and they were... moving?

Catching a whiff of wild lavender, something in your brain buzzed alive. In your mind's eye, you could see Lara fixing a bouquet of flowers she must have picked. Her husband leaned on a counter near her, watching as their kids could be heard in the background.

"Are we really going to let Zeke just bring in that Eldian from the island into our home?" He asked.

"It's the right thing to do. He intends to use her. Pull her over to our side and then send her back as a spy."

"For what? There's nothing that they have that we don't. He got Founding and he's already sent four of our people over there, getting one of them killed in the process."

"Who knows? He probably wants to bring back the remaining three and recover Jaw. He could have something planned for the island."

"He has something planned, alright, but I don't think it's for the island."

"What are you implying?"

"Notice how he has some form of control over the other shifters, but not you?"

"I hope you're not implying that he wants Warhammer for himself."

"That's exactly what I'm saying. He wants someone else to control. Once he has all of the titans, there's no telling what he's going to do. We don't know his intentions!" Willie straightened, arms and hands gesturing.

"Well if things start to go poorly, then we'll stop it. But right now we don't have proof of anything."

"And when it's too late? When the girl has Warhammer? What then?" Lara answered with a sigh.

You felt sick to your stomach. While you still don't remember what happened, you pieced it together. Lara was dead and the tracks had been yours.

Tracks.

Realizing that they'll find you from the tracks your titan form left behind, you tried to recall the way back into the city. It shouldn't be far, but if you could make it there, then maybe you'd have a better chance of surviving.

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The city below consisted of dull gray-brown stone, people, and cars. The latter two just woken up and began moving. You decided to hang back at the outskirts before entering, needing a break and wondering where in the city you were going to go next. Becoming a habit, you touched your face. You had recalled the way that it left marks on Eren's face and at first, you felt them at first, but now they seemed to have disappeared.

If the other people around here, especially Zeke, knew about this, then they would know for certain that you were a shifter. You couldn't risk them finding out. Memories of Lara and her family and her life here in Marley hung in the back of your mind like they were your own, except not quite perfect. Like a puzzle piece that fit in, but was for a different puzzle entirely. You had no doubt that her memories would help you fit in here in Marley, no matter how much longer you were here for.

"I don't want to fit in here. I want to go home." Tears pricked the back of your eyes as you realized how alone you were. It was quiet except for the infrequent honk of a car horn or the distant conversations being had. You were tired and alone and wanted someone there to comfort you. "Like Erwin." But you've probably hurt him for not talking to him about Marie and then disappearing with Eren on top of this. You didn't think about the consequences this would have on him; of him losing someone as important as Eren. He was likely being punished by the government for losing him.

"What have I done?"

"What are you doing?" Jumping up from where you were sitting, you turned to face the speaker behind you. Rubbing your neck at the sudden soreness that you caused, you grimaced at the blond in front of you.

"What is it, Zeke?"

"You didn't think that I wouldn't find out, did you? You're not as stealthy as you think you are."

"I'm not military, either. I knew that it was only a matter of time before you found me." He actually looked shocked.

"Not military, huh? What were you doing outside of the walls, then?"

"I'm a nurse. I thought I could help."

"You did more than help." And the guilt was still very prevalent. It looked like you weren't going to get over it any time soon. Not until you fix this.

"What now?"

"Lucky for you, there's a way home." What?

"A boat to the island?"

"No. We decided to bring some friends of yours over."

"Friends?" Your heart dropped. Erwin? You needed clarification.

"See, we needed someone to keep you from running like you did today..."

"You bastard! What have you done to them?!" You lunged to punch him, but he caught your fist and laughed.

"Oh, don't worry, darling. They're doing just fine. In fact, they came over here of their own accord, thanks to Eren's help." You wanted to curse Eren, but that'd be the pot calling the kettle black.

"And this Commander of yours... He seemed genuinely concerned about where you were." He prodded.

"Where is he? Where are they?" Not caring about the tears that started to roll down your face, you let him drop your hand without a fight.

"Don't worry about that."

"Don't worry about it? What do you mean 'don't worry about it?' Why are they here?"

"It seems as though one of our warriors caved under pressure after you left, but that's not your problem. He'll be taken care of." You didn't like how that sounded.

"What are they here for?" You tried to control the emotion in your voice, even though there was no use in hiding it.

"You'll see soon enough, dear. Soon enough."