The Boy I Knew

17. In Your Arms Again

A month of worrying over what was happening and what made it worse was that you actually got a glimpse of Erwin, even if it had been Zeke's intention for it to happen. He wanted your reaction. To gauge your relationship with him, as if he already knew. You knew you gave him what he wanted. Erwin looked so tired, but remained poised. The diligent commander. From your understanding, he didn't know anything about your situation. You stood there, in full view of Zeke's ever-watchful gaze and all but stared down Erwin, hoping that you could make him turn his head towards you without saying a word. But it didn't work, and now you stood there with tears rolling down your face, cheeks likely flushed. 'I hope you enjoy this, bastard.'

"Y/N. Come." He ordered you around like a dog. You hesitated before following, deciding that it was for the best. 'Like I have a choice.' While you didn't care what happened to yourself, you were scared of what he might do to him, and the others with him. The 104th and a couple vets were with him: Miche, Levi, and Connie included. Connie, who likely ratted you out, even if he had been drunk that day. You wanted to hate him, but couldn't. He did the right thing, even if it caused more trouble than you wanted.

You knew that Erwin was negotiating for Eren's release, maybe yours if Zeke had been honest with him. For all you knew, Zeke had lied to him about having you as well. He was clearly using Erwin as leverage for you to stay and not do anything rash. And it was working. All you wanted now was for him to see you, to know you're okay... The time away from Erwin changed nothing, and now you know it never will. You thought that maybe the feelings you had would retreat, but seeing him tonight confirmed that they weren't leaving.

Zeke wasn't willing to give you any information on how he and Erwin came to know each other. In fact, he only told you the important things as he felt you needed to know; to explain things away as they happened. It pissed you off to no end.

"You'll be sitting with me tonight." He said as he and Yelena led you into a stadium-like area. A stage sat in front of chairs. Lights directed the incoming crowd's attention to a lone microphone that you assumed would be occupied by Willy Tybur. You hadn't seen him since the night you killed his wife, but maybe it was for the better.

"What did you say this was for, anyways?" While you didn't want to face Tybur, you also didn't want to spend your time sitting next to Zeke or his biggest supporter. The more time you spend with her, the weirder she gets. She treated him like a god, like he was a cult leader with extremist views and a devout following... If you could make it through tonight, you believed you could make it through anything.

Maybe even see Erwin again.

It was the only thought you had as you tuned out Zeke's droning on about what was happening. All you really knew was that there would be a speech or an announcement made by Tybur that was important enough for you to be dragged out of hiding. Uninterested as you were, you still attended, sat a few rows away from the stage and between your two "guards." You grumbled out answers as they were talking to you in hopes that they'd get quiet, but they continued to chatter on excitedly.

It felt like eternity before the crowd finally came in and sat down, everyone talking amongst themselves and you wondered if any of them knew what the announcement was or had any inkling of what it could be. When Tybur entered the stage, the crowd cheered and applauded. He waited for the crowd to calm down and as he scanned the crowd, his eyes met yours and you knew he knew. You could see the anger and sadness he held in his eyes. And at first, you thought you might cry, but your eyes were uncomfortably dry and the edges of your vision became hazy.

A shutter breath led you into darkness. It felt like a fever dream the way you could see him standing in the doorway and for a moment, the blond hair makes you think that it's Erwin in the distance. The sound of children crying in the background breaks your heart. 'I left children motherless. What if they were my kids?' You felt this overwhelming love for kids that weren't even your's. As you pulled back to the present, you struggled to catch your breath at the sudden loss of feeling. It stunned you how powerful that emotion was.