scars

Chapter nineteen: mirior invictus (death before defeat)

I forgot that my brothers weren't aware of the extent Maria went to make my life hell. 

So maybe revealing she killed my dog might have tipped what they thought of her.

"Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit." I muttered upstairs as I had ran away from my brothers after telling them what Maria had done to Archie. I had ranted at Carlos about Maria's abuse and the extent of it but he was so wrapped up in himself that he didn't hear it but I know that now they have all heard one thing she did.

I felt my body begin to shake from my anxiety, I walked back and forth trying to ground myself but failing miserably and resulting in scratching my neck as if to get more oxygen in my lungs.

I didn't know who to contact as AJ was gone and I didn't want to bother Ajax but if I didn't I would soon pass out.

I text Ajax the code hoping he remembered it's meaning.

About five minutes of me trying to calm myself I felt someone embrace me, after two minutes I recognised the cologne as the one Ajax uses.

He slowly pulled my arms away from my neck and placed my head against his chest.

I couldn't hear anything apart from the somewhat steady beating of his heart as he ran his hand through my hair.

We had a different relationship compared to my relationship with AJ, me and Ajax knew each other like we knew ourselves.

whenever I am in trouble or need help Ajax will always be there for me.

He has only been required about four times now, every time something this bad happens Ajax is here no matter the issue or the time.

"Hey Ximena, can you tell me how long this has been going on?" He asked me.

I tapped his chest twenty times to indicate twenty minutes, his grip tightened around me so the only thing I could hear was his calm heartbeat.

He guided me over to my bed and sat cross legged opposite me placing my hand on his chest so I could feel his heartbeat.

As we sat there I felt myself calming as I stared into his eyes, Bandit jumped on the bed with us making the two of us laugh.

I had finally calmed myself down.

"Ajax meet Bandit my gorgeous puppy, sorry about having to call you here but I spilled more about Maria than I should have they know." I explained.

"I don't care why you have to call me just as long as you call me. I remember the first time you saw snow and you had a panic attack because Maria had left you, you wanted to come see the snow but you were seven so had no idea where she kept the keys so I had you open the window as wide as possible and pulled you out of it so I was able to sneak you back in. I want to be here for you no matter the reason." He said holding me close while fussing Bandit.

Ajax sat with me for a while, it was until Santiago came upstairs and walked into my room.

"Oh, hi I didn't realise you had company Ximena." Santiago said shocked.

"I had another panic attack and had to call someone other than you guys because I was so nervous as I had mentioned more about Maria so I called Ajax he is my best friend." I said winking at Ajax to indicate I was lying about just being my best friend.

Me and Ajax had dated before and I wanted to see if we could date again now that we are in the same place and we both clearly still have feelings for each other.

Life with Ajax is better before everything got in the way so maybe now we have gotten past them obstacles it would be easier.

Santiago left and said he would be back in a bit, Ajax took that moment to kiss me.

His hands gripped my face roughly pulling me in; his lips met mine in what could be described as a cliché fireworks moment. His fingers threaded though my hair pulling me closer by the time we Parted I was panting from the pure passion of the kiss.

He looked at me and smiled wide before pulling me into his chest.

"I think I have to come completely clean about the abuse and Maria." I sighed slightly muffled by Ajax's hoodie.

He smiled down at me before taking my hand and leading me downstairs to the living room where my brothers were still sat looking stunned.

"I think I need to come clean about everything that happened with Maria. It wasn't all roses as you probably guessed. She was abusive. I broke my collarbone at a competition there was Maria up in the stands giving me the old be tough. So I competed two more times before I passed out. My best friend AJ left me for another girl at homecoming. Broke my heart. Two am at the kitchen table Maria telling me to eat the sandwich and forget about him. Feelings ha! I didn't cry when I left her - you believe that? The woman was my whole world. Not a tear. Everybody looking at me like I didn't love her. I don't okay she made my life hell but I used to think everyone's mum was like Maria. AJ told me his past, he hated his dad and when he left town I couldn't wait to leave for real." I said on the verge of tears as Ajax was hugging me into him trying to keep me calm.

"I met her when we were in high school, I am two years older than Ximena. I taught her and AJ how to fight because I knew about both of their parents." Ajax said taking over the conversation for me.

"The coward dies a thousand deaths, the brave but one."