suicidal .//. S.M.

chapter 13

Ashley************

My least favorite part of the day was going to school, because I didn't want to put up with all the bullies. The only good part was the fact I had Kimberly by my side most of the time. She was like glued to me or something. Word got out about Shawn and I. I guess he tweeted about it. I try to stay off of twitter for a while.

When I arrived at school with Kimberly I was scared for all the hate people would send my way. The head bitch of it all come up to me and says, "Wow I can't believe you have a boyfriend. I now know never to listen to him again." I roll my eyes at her stupidity and walked off to my locker.

When I got to my locker I was shoved into it. I shook it off and pretended like I didn't care. I looked around for Kimberly but I couldn't fine her. Please lord, don't tell my she ditched. I can't stand anyone here.

I texted her a bunch of times but she never returned the texts. When it was lunch I thought I saw her but then the crowd of people flooded the lunch room and I couldn't fine her. I sat in our normal spot and no one dared to sit with me. My phone started to go off in the pocket of my jean shorts. It was a longer buzz so I knew it was a phone call rather than a text.

I looked around for teachers and I pulled the phone out of my pocket. The call went to voicemail. It was Shawn. I texted him that I was at school. He understood and told me that he was leaving for the rest of the tour. I was sad that he wasn't going to be here for a while, but I know it will all work out.

He also texted me asking why I didn't go with Kimberly to meet up with them before they left. I told him I needed to go to my classes, but I never knew she was going to see them. It was better to tell him that then be mad at Kimberly for not taking me.

After school I went home immediately and played my guitar. I looked at the signature on the guitar and felt bad that I couldn't go see him before he left. I didn't realize I was crying as I played some song on my guitar until I felt a tear hit my hand as I strummed.

I felt like I needed to post a cover. i kept singing but I couldn't shake the feeling of guilt and betrayal. I felt guilty because I didn't get to say good bye to my boyfriend, and I felt betrayal because my best friend knew Shawn was leaving and didn't tell me she was going to say good bye to him and her boyfriend.

I didn't end up posting the cover, but I thought about taking out a razor from the hurt I have been feeling lately. I didn't actually cut but I wanted to so badly. I wanted all this pain to go away, but it remained. I remained in my mind scarred into it forever.

****************************

"you're all I think about when I'm awake" ~Shawn mendes

the last song was aftertase! I have fallen in love with that song along with a couple others. What song is this?

I read an actual book and i may have gotten some ideas from that book. I hope you are ready for some new chapters! I will try and update once a day!

much love and muffins

~ kimberly