suicidal .//. S.M.

chapter 16

Ashley*************

I was so happy that Shawn came to visit me, but if Kimberly thinks she can bring me Shawn and think everything will be okay then she is sadly mistaken. I have never felt so betrayed. She it wasn't even one day it was the whole week. Shawn came inside the house and I introduced him to my mom.

"Mother this is Shawn my boyfriend," I tell her. "Oh isn't this the boy you have millions of posters of on your wall?" She asks me. "Mom!" I shout with wide eyes. "Awe baby you have pictures of me on your wall?" Shawn asks me while wrapping his arms around my waist. I flinch a little because there are fresh cuts there and it stings a little.

"Are you okay?" Shawn asks me. "Yea I am alright," I tell him. "Why don't you go show him your room and all your posters," my mom says. I give her a playful evil glare and grab shawn's hand and take him to the room.

"So this is your room?" He asks me. "No shawn this is my bathroom," I say sarcastically. He laughs and shakes his head. I look around my room to makesure it is all clean. the problem is it is no where near clean. I look at the floor and see my bra on the floor. My eyes go wide as I reach to pick it up. I put it in the dirty clothes bin. "I love all your posters," Shawn tells me. "Yea because they are all of you, you piece of shit," I tell him. I wrap my arms around him for a hug and he returns it.

"Let's post a cover. You haven't posted one in so long," shawn says and I shrug. All I know is that I will get hate for it.

I pull out my guitar and say, "What song babe?" He shrugs and says, "You choose babe." I look through all the songs I have on my phone and ask, "what about If I Die Young, by the band perry?" He nods and says, "that sounds good." I play that tune all the time, but I never sing it, now is my chance.

——— itro to the video——-

"Hey guys I am here with my boyfriend Shawn Mendes!" I say into the camera. "Hey guys, Stop hating on my girl it makes me upset to see you tear her down," Shawn says. "Anyways we are going to be singing If I Die Young, by The Band Perry," I say to the camera.

———-they sing———

After the video I edit it and upload it to youtube. Shawn then tweeted for his fans to go watch our cover on my youtube channel. I was happy because maybe I wouldn't get so much hate, but what overwhealmed me was how much more hate I could get from it.

It started to get late and Shawn told me he should probably go back to the hotel. I nodded and went downstairs to grab my mom's car keys. "Where are you going?" My mom asked me popping out of nowhere like a ninja. "I am taking shawn back to the hotel. Is it okay if I take the car out tomorrow to hang out with him?" I ask her. She nods and says, "Okay, but I will need it for a meeting tomorrow night."

I took Shawn to the hotel and kissed him good bye. "See you tomorrow," I tell him. "See you tomorrow." He kissed me one last time, then gets out of the car. I drive home and check my youtube. I still got hate comments, but I have gotten some subscribers. I was happy about that. The hate still got to me. What also got to me was when they asked me where kimberly was. I couldn't take it.

I went into my bathroom and locked the door. I made a few cuts. I couldn't stop crying. I need to talk to Shawn. Eventhough we just talked. I call him. The phone rings and rings but he doesn't pick up. I made another cut. I call him once again and he picks up. "Babe?" Shawn says as soon as he picks up. The razor is still in my hand and I can barely talk with out crying. I make another cut. "Ash? You there?" he asks. I sniffle and take in a shaky breath. I try to talk but I can't. I make another mark. 

"Ashley speak baby. It's okay," Shawn says. It's not okay. "sh-shawn," is all I can get out. I can't seem to say anything else. "What's wrong baby," he says. I can't seem to tell him. I can hear him frantic over the phone.

********************************

"You watch me bleed until I can't breath" ~ Shawn Mendes

The last song was Show You. What song is this?

Hey guys! I hope you guys like it.

Much love and Muffins

~kimberly