Chapter 42

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Since I refused to leave the house for the following week, Pete decided to get all of my stuff from my apartment himself. He called up Gabe to help him and even though I told them not to do it and just wait for me to help them once the internet shit had died down, they refused and left to get all my stuff anyway. I wouldn't have been much help anyway and I trusted Pete enough to be alone at my place but I still felt bad that they were doing all the work for me.

I stayed in bed most of the time because I wasn't only in a bad mood but I was also feeling sick. Fran kept texting me about how she had gone out with Jack and how happy she was and I was happy for her too, I just wasn't generally happy. I had started to tolerate Gabe again because he could be the best person to cheer me up sometimes which I appreciated and I was starting to think that maybe his intentions had not been too bad.

Sofia also came over and she told me that she felt a lot better and I heard about Gabe and her again and it sounded like it was really for the better that they were broken up now. She also tried to cheer me up and it worked at least a little. She stayed for the meeting I had with the girls from the magazine that even Erik came to because we had now finally included him and Sofia loved our ideas, she kept telling me how much she had loved the first issue and she was really supportive, saying she would promote it at work and just walk around telling people about it which made me really happy.

At the end of the week, we were getting the new issue ready and I was sending everything to New York, all my stuff was at Pete's place and I had officially moved back in and I was getting more hate and having articles written about me than ever. The worst I had read was a blog post.

MY THOUGHTS ON PETE'S GIRLFRIEND:

I personally think that Charlotte Miller only wants fame and money and attention and she is manipulating our favourite band members for it. Seriously, why would Benji ever post a video like that? As if she wasn't in on it, it makes no sense. And then she becomes Pete's latest charity project? We know she lives with him, like she did before they got back together and so he doesn't leave her: she's pregnant all of the sudden?! Excuse me but that just screams crying for attention. And who knows if Pete's in on this? Who knows if he wants to help her get fame or if he's actually so naive to believe her little games? She's just making a fool of herself and Pete doesn't deserve it. Who knows if it's even his baby? It could be Benji's or some stranger's, nobody knows who else she's banged and how much she's actually been around. Nobody knows where she comes from and nobody knows anything about her and there are people supporting her treating Pete like this? I actually am disgusted with this whole fandom.

I didn't understand how fans, people who called themselves fans of Pete, fans of Fall Out boy, could write something like this. It made no sense to me. Those were people that didn't know me and they didn't know Pete and they were judging stuff they knew nothing about and it made me sick, it was horrible and I just wanted it to stop. Pete didn't deserve this and without thinking I'm better, I didn't either. Nobody deserved that. When Pete noticed that I was reading that post again, he just took my phone and locked the screen, then put it into his pocket. "What the fuck?!" "No" he said simply and rested his elbow on the kitchen table so he could look at me from the side. "Pete, give it back." "No, you're not letting this drag you down. Being with me, this is going to happen and I'm very sorry but I am starting to feel responsible when you're not even blaming me!" He sounded desperate but it also made me smile because there was this joking tone swinging in his voice. I looked up at him, taking a deep breath. "I just don't understand these people, it's so damn frustrating, what are they doing?" "Let it out, write about it." "No." "You should, it will probably make you feel better. Or you could come out for ice-cream with me and Bronx once Ashlee brings him over? That will distract you." I shook my head. "No way." "Hey, if Bronx is out with us, I don't think people are gonna dare to say anything. And you can't hide yourself away forever, Charlie." I sighed and I realised that maybe hanging out with Bronx would make me feel better because he was too young to understand it all which would give me a little distance from it as well.

So I agreed to having ice-cream with them and we drove down to a little colorful shop in the city where we all ordered but I didn't know if I was being paranoid, every now and then I could see people turning their heads though, not only looking at Pete and Bronx but also at me and then looking to the person with them again, chatting and peeking over to me which made it obvious that they were talking about me.

"See, they're looking" I whispered. Pete turned around and a few people turned away. I shook my head in disbelief. "Did you see that?" "Charlie, I'm sorry" he said quietly, taking my hand over the table. Bronx was eating his ice-cream, looking around and minding his own business. "It's not your fault" I said, rolling my eyes. "That sounds stupid but you know nothing like that would happen if people didn't know me." I took a deep breath. "It's not your fault, I knew what I signed up for." "But it is." "Pete, it isn't" I said, raising my voice because how could I be good for him if he kept blaming himself for the things that were having a negative effect on me? He could always think and twist everything around until it was his fault and it wasn't always his fault, it barely ever was his fault so I didn't want him to think it was and it was starting to upset me. Sometimes it was simply too much.

"Are you fighting?" Bronx asked and I realised he was now paying attention. We both turned our heads and looked at him. "No, we're just..." Pete started. "I just don't want your daddy to blame himself for things that aren't his fault" I said softly. Bronx nodded. "He's always doing that." I smirked, then looked at Pete. "Yes, he is." Now he seemed annoyed. "Don't bond over making fun of me. I'm only trying to make you feel better" he said quietly, taking the last spoon of his ice-cream. I took a deep breath. "You're not. When you're blaming yourself, it does not make me feel better" I said bluntly. He raised his hands in front of his chest in defense. "Well, then! I'm sorry for trying!" "Pete, can you just not...? Oh my god, everybody is looking, I'm giving them even more reasons to hate me." "Charlie, I'm..." "If you say you're sorry..." "But I am!" "I want to go" I said and got up, fumbling for my wallet. "Charlie, come on..." I put on my jacket. "Buddy, are you done?" Pete asked Bronx and he nodded. "Alright, let's pay then and go home, I don't think Charlie's feeling very well." I knew I was overreacting and I was hormonal but he just kept getting me more and more worked up. Pete got up as well and me and Bronx followed him to the counter. "Not feeling very well?" I asked, looking at him from the side. "We would like to pay, please" he said to the waitress and she nodded with a friendly smile, saying she'd be right back. "Pete, are you ignoring me?" "You didn't want to go out and I sort of made you, I'm sorry" he said. "No, you're putting it on yourself again! You can't be responsible for things that I do! It was my decision, nothing I do is ever your fault!" He turned around, looking straight at me. "Charlie! Is it so weird that I want to protect you?" he asked, then turned away again. I shook my head in disbelief, crossing my arms in front of my chest and looking around.

Suddenly, my heart skipped a beat. There was nobody next to me. I scanned the rest of the place but nothing. I glanced through the glass door and the glass windows to see outside but no. "Pete" I said and my voice was shivering. "Can we please not talk about it?" he asked in desperation and handed the waitress the money. "Pete, no, I..." When he turned around after getting his change, he finally realised it too. "Where's Bronx?"

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