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chapter seventeen november 2nd
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When you lose someone close to you, there isn't an immediate reaction at first. Your brain doesn't seem to click just yet. It freezes, almost, while it slowly processes what the fuck you either heard or witnessed. Eventually, the initial shock would hit you first. It would feel like an ocean's wave, pulling you under the tide, and when you try to resurface, there's another wave, pulling you under once more. Then it would be the five stages of grief; denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.
But no one ever really talks about the memories. They don't just vanish after acceptance. They stay with you, locked in a little treasure box in the back of your head, trying to be kept hidden but haunting you at the same time. No one ever really talks about how the pain is still there, even if it's been months. No one ever really talks about how you can still see them there. How their face is engraved to memory down to the very last freckle and speck in their eye. Or the smell of their perfume. Or the softness of their skin. It all hurts, but it shouldn't because they're not there to hurt you. But that's the whole point, they're not here. It hurts because someone you love is gone, and it's the memory that sparks that pain.
Rue Newby felt like she was to drown in that hurt. It made her head spin and stomach twist until she grew nauseous. But at the same time, Rue couldn't understand the pain. She was only thirteen. What she did get was that it hurt. And it hurt a lot. Rue had spent her whole summer wallowing with those memories, and she was reminded of that summer misery the moment her eyes slowly fluttered open that morning.
The white lace curtains billowed along with the cool breeze, doing little to nothing to obstruct the streams of sun rays from pouring into the room through the window. The cold settled in the room, despite the warm sunlight glowing on her pale, white cotton bedsheets. The sunlight hitting her face made it hard to see, and she blinked a few times while slowly waking up.
