Summer Rains

8

TW: Sui*ide, Addict*on, Ab*se

2021

Dear Elle,

I wish I could say everything in just one hand-written note. But I can't, nothing I ever say or do will account for how much I love and care for you. You are the best thing that's ever happened to me, and the only person who made me rethink the decision I'm about to make. I know it'll hurt you and everyone and that makes me hate myself, even more, but I can't do this anymore. I can't Elle. We said goodbye and I want you to know that it wasn't our last time seeing each other. Who knows what the world is like after we die, but I promise to be with you always and forever even if it feels like I'm far away. 

I love you Elle, and I always will. Please take my books, they have everything you need to know. I'm sorry I struggled to tell you. I'm in the stars, Elle. 

Love, 

Felix. 

I read the letter three more times and it still made no sense. The decision he was about to make? What did that even mean? The pounding sensation came back to my head. There were too many emotions stirring inside of me. "Danielle?" I heard Jill ask, a tray of tea and cookies in her hand. I looked up crying again. "Danielle, honey what's wrong?" She set the tray down and rushed to me. 

"What's this." I held up the note, Hill tensed up showing me that she knew exactly what it was. 

"Dani-" She started.

"I don't understand," I whispered. Jill smoothed her hand down my face. "what happened to him." 

"He was in a very bad car accident-"

"Stop lying!" Tears came habitually down my face and soaked my shirt. 

"Danielle...." Jill paused. "We didn't think you would want to know-"

"Didn't think I wanted to know my best friend committed suicide!" Jill flinched at my tone. She called after me as I picked up the box and grabbed my things before slipping out the door. I heard her run onto her porch but stop once I got into my car. 

I punched the familiar address into my car's GPS and sped off. It felt like seconds when I was finally at the apartment building. It was usually a busier place but the side alk and roads were fairly empty. I cursed when I stepped out and felt a light drizzle of rain hit my forehead. 

My feet stomped as I rung the bell at the entryway. "Hello?" A familiar voice came. 

"Reuben," I started trying to let my voice out steady.

"Oh my god, Dani." He breathed. "Come up." The door clicked and I entered, climbing the stairs. The door was open with Reuben standing there. He looked a lot like Felix with his sharp features and long proportions. Along with the downturned nose. Except he looked more grown up with his stuble and pricing green gaze. 

"I need answers," I explained. Reuben nodded and stepped aside to let me through. The place smelled of smoke, a window propped open to let any air in. 

"Where's your mom?" I asked, I knew she never really had a preference for me but I really didn't want her here for some reason. 

"She got fired a couple of months ago." Reuben scratched the back of his neck. "Now she works a day and a night shift at a pharmacy and a diner." I nodded. Looks like everything is in shit. "Do you want coffee?" Reuben asked, cleaning up the ashtray and taking a stack of papers off the couch to let me sit. 

"I'm fine." He nodded and sat down on a reclining chair. 

"You've changed." He noted taking me in.