Summer Rains

Epilogue

2024

"Hey." I greeted for the thousandth time. "I know I haven't been here in a while, finals," I explained, laying my head down on the now dry grass, I shut my eyes and let the sun rays kiss my skin. "I did it," I whispered. "Can you believe it? It took me a while, but I'm here now." 

"You probably don't even know what I'm talking about." I quickly reached into my bag and pulled out my new diploma. "Bachelors in English Literature bitch." I laughed historically as I looked down on it. "I couldn't hang it up, not yet. There are just too many places it could go."

"Speaking of places!" I perked up again staring at the stone that has become my favorite object in the entire world. "I got a condo. I was gonna rent, in case I decided to change school for my master's degree." My eyes widened and an oh came out of me. "Sorry I'm all over the place but so much happened, I'm planning on getting my masters so that possibly I could teach in the future if I decided to take that path." I sighed and laid my head down once again. "I still worry a lot about shutting down again, that's why I was so hesitant about this masters. But I now know that nothing can fucking stop me!" I yelled out to the lawn of graves, quickly slapping a hand over my mouth. 

"Sorry, not the right place or time," I whispered to Reuben. "I got a cat, and sorry I'm not original so Henry the Second it is." I smiled remembering that fat gray cat, my Henry was orange and he was just the sweetest kitten this world had ever seen. "I don't know why it took me so long to get a cat," I huffed as I watched the clouds roll by. "Quick topic change, I'm sure Reuben has told you loads of times about Megan since he's head over heels for that chick. ANd I'm sure you're wondering why he hasn't stopped by in a while. Well...."  I began drum rolling on my exposed thigh. "You're gonna be an uncle." My hands jazzed dramatically. 

Plopping back down onto the grass I continued, "I think it's a boy but Reuben and Megan both really want a girl so I guess we'll have to see who wins the twenty bucks I bet this one." I turned to look back at his face planted into the gravestone. "You would have made one hell of an uncle. Uncle Felix." I joked in a low tone, smiling at the title. "It sounds nice." My smile dropped once more and I felt the emotion run through me. 

"It would've been cooler if you were here." I rested my chin upon my hand. "But I feel you." I cringed slightly. "Wait no I take that back, that sounded so weird. I mean it feels like you're with me. It used to pull me further into my depression, but now it's what I crave every second. I love you so strongly, I see what Reuben and Megan have. How he sneaks looks at her."

I paused taking the image in my head. "He looks at her like... Like she's the only person in the world. And I imagine that's what I look like now, because even if you're no longer in everyone else's world. You'll always be a member of mine. Damn it I'd be lying if I said you weren't the center of my universe." I sniffled a bit as I felt tears come. But these were happy tears. If any existed in me after all this- no I take it back they do exist in me. 

"But watch out, Henry II is catching up." My heart fluttered as if it hurt Felix's laugh somewhere. I'm sure my heart has everything about him locked up and stored there. I cursed myself for crying when I felt a tear roll down my cheek. I went to wipe it away when a drop fell onto my hand. 

"What the hell?" I looked up to see the sky had darkened a bit and raindrops began to fall. "Rain," I whispered more to myself. "I think you lied when you told me you'd come back as a star. You are so a rain dude like even you're personality gives off rainy day vibes." I tipped my head back and let my body feel the comfort of the rain. 

"You know I used to hate rain. Like despised it. I don't think I'll ever get better." I said suddenly, feeling the need to share it. "Not without you, I'll never be me. But there's nothing anyone can do about it, but I'm sure one day I'll find the cure and be able to balance it all." I felt his presence then, stronger than ever. It was as if the weight from my shoulders was no longer stress, but arms wrapping around me. And the stiffness in my back wasn't from strong emotions either, but from being close to someone who held me against them. 

"But until that day comes.... I'll seek the comfort of old classic books with broken spines, black coffee, heavy sweaters." I paused and saved the most important one for last.  "And summer rains."